school.

It's almost April, and I can't believe I have been home for almost 10 months. I can't believe Wes will be 9 months in less than one week! Time has flown by, and all the things I said I would accomplish...well I haven't.

As we get closer to August, I have much to think and pray about. Where will I work? At which school will I get a job? Originally, when I took a leave of absence, everything was all figured out and I knew what to expect. Well things have changed. The teacher that was going to retire is still retiring. But the county is NOT replacing her, they are simply merging her class with a class at the south end. So my hopes of going back to MY position, or to the retired teachers position, have changed. When I took a "leave" I gave up my position. So I don't know if that's an option for me. They may or may not like the current teacher...they may really like her a lot. Either way, I wouldn't want them to not renew her contract just because I have tenure over her. That is NOT the right thing to do.

I do/did love my job as an ESE teacher, teaching children with special needs. But now that I have a child approaching school age, it's not about me anymore. It's about placing him in the BEST environment for HIM, and if that means me changing schools/jobs, then that's what I will do. But I would greatly miss WMHS, because I absolutely love everyone there (staff, kids, etc). It would be a difficult move.

I don't want to apply for a job at The Villages...at least not at this point. But I have made arrangements to shadow teachers at Wildwood Elementary, and Bushnell Elementary, and Galaxy Of Learning (Galaxy now has K and 1st grade). I want to shadow teachers for a few reasons. I want to see where I feel is the best all around school for Will. I also want to see if I am capable of teaching elementary age children. When I say "capable" I basically mean, "handle" the little ones. Can I mentally handle that age...all day?!

Part of me wants to work and send Will to Bushnell elementary. But until I visit each school I won't have a fair assessment. For the record, I will shadow teachers at WES for more than one day. I will only be at the other schools for one visit. I know it's not a true and accurate assessment of each school, but it's a start. And I think I will know what to do.

I may end of at the high school for one more year...but after that, I just don't know. Like I stated before, it's not about me anymore. I have to do what's best for my son and my family. And I have NO CLUE what that will be!!! It's very scary and many of you have already been there and already know what you feel comfortable with. I'd love your feedback...good or bad.

Will starts kindergarten next August. So my time is ticking. I pray that I make the right decision. Don't we all want whats best? Some of us have to make due with the choices we have. I feel blessed that I can change those choices only because I work in the school system. But that doesn't mean I will always be able to do the right thing, but I can certainly try!

Love to all,
Jen

Making some changes...

I have been thinking about my blog lately, and I am going to start making some changes and doing things a little different. I like Cyndi's idea when she mentioned that her blog is like her online journal. Cyndi said she likes being able to look back on things she has written...things she might have forgotten had she not written them down.

I agree with Cyndi.

I LOVE that people can read my blog, learn new things about me...and just learn new things (couponing for example!) But sometimes I say things that I want to write down but feel that YOU, the reader, may not really care about the topic as much as I did when I wrote it (Revelation post for example).

I am trying to do many things different in my life right now and I want to be able to blog about it without worrying if I will offend someone, or have someone think my ways or ideas are crazy. I have a lot to say, but I just don't write it down...

Also, my goal this year is to really get into "The Word". I lack so much in that area, and it's my #1 goal to really dovote time to God. And as I learn new things, I want to blog about it. As I did with my "Revelation" post.

So from now on...my posts will probably be all over the place. I may post about something in the bible, then I may post a recipe, then my parenting style, then I may post about something personal. So really...this will be my online journal.

Does anyone know how to somehow save all your posts to an archive somewhere? I remember MckMama posting about how to do that one time...please let me know how if you know!!!

Love to you all :)

Jen

4 years ago today...

I can recall the details as if I had experienced them yesterday. I woke up at 6:02am with contractions about every 10-12 minutes. I woke Joey up and told him that he might need to call in work because I had a feeling it would be today (I was due the very next day). Joey basically said he would go in for a few hours and we would play it by ear...so I got in the shower and decided to take it easy. Well needless to say, I had about 3 contractions while I was in the shower...so Joey called in :)

We got to the hospital at 7:30am and I was only 3cm. Once I was in my room, Dr. Moffitt broke my water and gave me pitocin. I would have had Will by noon, but he had not "dropped" yet. So I had to lay on my left side for 30 min, push a few times, then lay on my right side for 30 min, then push a few times...and so on. It wasn't stressful at all. It was actually a pleasant experience and nothing like the horror stories I hear from others...with HOURS of labor. Finally around 2pm I had finally reached 6cm so Joey decided he and his dad would go to Wolfy's and have a good lunch. Well, by the time he sat down at Wolfy's, I was 10cm! I called and he was back at the hospital in no time! Once Moffitt was there, he asked me to give him a few practice pushes (which were great ones by the way!) and he realized I was fully capabale of pushing this baby out quickly!

William Joseph Ammons was born at 2:52pm on Thursday March 9th 2006. I didn't cry when he was born...I was shocked, overwhelmed...he was my firstborn. I didn't fall in love with him right away either. I loved him...but not like all the stories I'd heard about...I didn't feel that instant bond, a mother's love, die without you kind of love. I just simply loved him because I had just given birth to him.

Let me explain.

After I lost our first baby...I believe I slowly...very slowly, fell into a depression. It wasn't noticable by anyone, not even me. But I believe the loss of our baby triggered the beginning stages.

Months later I hit full blown depression. Something happened (it's personal) and I hit rock bottom. Not only was I depressed...I was also pregnant. Can you imagine the emotions?!

In December 2005, my position with SunTrust Bank was relocated to Orlando so I opted to take a severance payout and leave the bank instead of transferring with the position. I was due in March and I knew that I would be taking time off, so it actually all worked out great. I would have more time to myself, more time to rest, and more time to be depressed.

I was incredibly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I sometimes cried till I threw up. Not because I was pregnant...but for "personal reasons". I was depressed. Like I needed meds kind of depressed. Like I almost ruined my marriage kind of depressed.

I barely ate food. I had to make myself drink a carnation instant breakfast every morning because I knew I had to at least feed my baby. And every day I cried while I rocked my stomach...and I prayed this prayer to God.."God...please let him be everything that I'm not. Please don't allow my emotions to pass on to him...let him be a happy baby, not a crying and miserable baby...like his mother is right now".

They say your emtions can pass on to your child. I HAD to make sure I didn't pass mine to Will. I prayed for that covering daily. But I NEVER asked God to fix me.

I gained 9.5 pounds during my pregnancy. At my 6 week check-up, not only had I lost the 9.5 pounds that I gained...but I had lost an additional 14 pounds. Yes it felt great to look good on the outside...but I was dying on the inside. I didn't gain much weight...because I didn't eat. Will weighed 8 lbs, and 10 oz, and was 22 inches long. So I was thankful for him being plump and healthy.

After I gave birth to Will...I was emotionally detached from him. I never wanted to hurt him. I've heard those stories too.

I remember when he was about 4 weeks old...my dad and step-mom came to visit him. My step-mom was on the floor, talking to him. And he coo'd at her. I had never heard his voice until that moment. I realized that I had never talked to him. I took care of him, bathed him, fed him, held him...but I had never talked to him.

After that, I prayed and I worked at fixing me. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took many months. I started getting out of the house with him, talking to him, and making up for the weeks that I had lost. With God's help...I guess I did "snap-out" of the depression. I must have because I gained 10pounds back!

I'm not sure why I shared my "depression" story with you. Or maybe it's a reminder to myself. But, when I look at Will, I never think about that horrible depression experience. I think about him being one of the loves of my life. My firstborn. My son. An incredible blessing.

Today, Will is everything that a parent would want their child to be. He is funny, sweet, talented, sensitive, incredibly loving, smart, and amazingly handsome. He does have many moments that all children go through...but overall he is a great kid!

"Did you ever think you could love someone so much?"

I remember hating when someone asked me that question. But I quickly fell in love with him (although not right away) and then I understood. And today, I would gladly give my life up for him.

The song "For you I will" is my song to him. I mean every word.

Enjoy the pictures :)




The 2 pictures below were taken just days before I gave birth.





Falling in love....

Revelation.

Revelation 1:3 Blessed is he that readeth , and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.

Did you know, that the book of Revelation is the ONLY book in the bible that promises a special blessing for those who read and hear its words? The entire bible is a blessing, and yes we are blessed by every word. But only in the book of Revelation is it "promised". I don't know about you...but this makes me want to read it over and over again. This is not something I figured out on my own, although I wish I could take the credit. I have recently began reading the book "Revelation Unveiled" by Tim LaHaye and within the pages of this book, I am learning many new facts. I will share some of them here.

(The following is from the book, not my own words)

The book of Revelation completes the circle of bible truths. As the word of God, the Scriptures predictably reveal superb planning and organization. We see that clearly in the book of Revelation, for it completes the great truths begun in Genesis and in other passages of the bible. Here are some examples:

Genesis shows humanity's beginning in a beautiful paradise.
Revelation shows the wonderful paradise to come

Genesis shows how human beings lost a chance to eat of the tree of life
Revelation shows that humankind will yet eat of that tree

Genesis tells of humanity's first rebellion against God
Revelation promises an end to humanity's rebellion against God

Genesis records the first murderer, drunkard, and rebel
Revelation promises a city where "nothing impure will enter it"

Genesis reveals the tragic sorrow that resulted from sin
Revelation promises, "[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes"

Genesis records the first death
Revelation promises that "there will be no more death"

Genesis shows the beginning of the curse
Revelation shows the curse lifted

Genesis introduces the devil for the first time as the tempter of the human race
Revelation shows the final doom of Satan

Genesis promises that Satan's head will be bruised
Revelation shows Satan bruised and defeated




I hope this blesses you in a way that I've been blessed.

I hope this inspires you to begin reading the word daily.

33 Things.

Well, on Dec 30th I turned 33! I can't believe how quickly my life has gone by now that I have graduated from high school. Those days always seemed to drag. One year seemed like ten! Anyway, it's been quite some time since I have posted anything (facebook will do that to you) so I am stealing someone else's idea by telling you 33random facts about myself. Not that you care to know them, but now that I have children, I never get to talk about myself. So this is a treat ;)

1. I share a birthday with Tiger Woods, Lebron James, and Matt Lauer.

2. I was almost a Jennifer Shelley. My granny suggested "Agatha".

3. When Joey and I got married, I didn't drop my middle or last name. So my SS card reads " Jennifer Kelly Horton Ammons"

4. I love Paula Deen and Beth Moore.

5. I love cookbooks, and trying new recipes. I especially love those cookbooks that "church ladies" put together. I have bought many from Ebay.

6. The only thing I collect are the large crystal ornaments that Swarovski puts out every year. I have 11 of them.

7. My family called me (and still do) Jennabug when I was growing up. My little brother and sister have called me "Jit Jit" since they were able to speak. The are now 19 and 21 years old.

8. I am the middle child of five. I have two sisters and two brothers.

9. I moved to Wildwood in February of 85. My first day of school was February 13. I was in the 2nd grade.

10. I consider myself an optimist. I'm also a procrastinator.

11. I use to think my eyes were purchased at Sears ( I really did)

12. I want to visit as many National Parks as I can before I die.

13. I really love the beach, or relaxing in a pool. There's nothing like feeling the hot sun on your skin.

14. When I was young, if you asked me my name I would say "Jennifer Kelly Horton come on down" thanks to watching too many episodes of "The Price Is Right"

15. I can throw a bait caster very well. No zebco needed here!

16. I love the Violin. I took lessons when Will was a baby. The timing was bad, and I didn't have the patience to learn. Maybe one day...

17. I love to read! I wish I made more time to do so.

18. I want to be a runner. I want to run marathons! I just have to train myself to do so. And I will very soon. Unfortunately, having children has weighed heavy on a certain part of my insides. So until that's under control, I have to take baby steps.

19. I have not had a speeding ticket in 12 years.

20. Both my pregnancies combined, I gained a total of 25 pounds.

21. I am THE most modest person I know.

22. I have some of the best friends you could imagine. And they are all like sisters to me. (Cyndi, Pam, Sherry, Jen, Krystal) I know any one of them would drop everything to be there for me, and I would do the same for them. I am so blessed! I have many friends...but those five girls are my very closest.

23. I have THE best brothers and sisters in the world! We all have a strong bond and we never fight. I love love love them!

24. My favorite quote is "Write your dreams in concrete and your plans in sand"

25. I graduated in May of 2001 from The University Of South Florida. It's one of my proudest moments.

26. I colored my hair for the first time this year! And I ONLY did because of all my gray hair! Now I have to do so every 8 weeks and it drives my crazy!

27. One day, I hope to become certified as a translator for the deaf. It's a passion of mine.

28. I love to sleep.

29. I wear, and love the products and make-up from Merle Norman.

30. If my house burned down tonight...I would only be sad about losing my pictures. I am grateful that I don't feel "attached" to possessions.

31. I love art. Especially oil on canvas pieces. I have three Thomas Kinkade's and about 6 misc pieces.

32. I truly think I could survive on liquids alone. Especially on sweet tea, Smoothie King and Starbucks.

33. I want to be known for something one day. Whether it's through and act or an invention. I think it's my destiny.

His love

I have this precious 3 year old son...and he loves me. I mean, he really loves me! He doesn't just love me because I am his mother, or because I help provide and take care of him...he genuinely loves me. I know you are a bit puzzled, and thinking of your own childen, and how you know you are loved by them. But trust me when I tell you...my son is different.

Will is somehow capable of loving deep and whole heartedly. He loves like that of a mature adult, and not like a child his age...with very little love experiences. Will is special. And he makes those that he loves feel so very special. He kisses on the lips, and when he hugs, he's not usually the first to let go. He tells me at least 10 times per day that he loves me. And it's random. Not because I just bought him a gift, or played with him. We can just be sitting and having supper....and I hear, "I love you mommy."

Now I have to stop here to say this...his love may be great, but it's also selective. He doesn't show his love to just anyone. In fact, unless you are close to him, you would never know this about him. Just yesterday while on a field trip at his pre-school, I had to get on to him for saying, "I don't love her (referring to his classmate) he then went on to tell Mrs. Debbie, I don't love anybody."

The last paragraph may seem contradictive, but it's true. He loves only certain people, but he loves them with a greatness beyond your imagination. As I type this, I realize that when he gives, he gives 100%. He doesn't trust just anyone with his love.

Will loves you one on one. If he's with me, he wants to hold my hand (while he is in his carseat and I'm driving...not easy!) or he wants to sit in my lap. He will even say, "Mommy, you're sooo bootiful." If he is with papa for example, he wants papa one on one. No distractions. And he tells him many times..."I love you papa." And he NEVER lets you walk away without "a hug and a kiss." I could go on and on with examples! I could blog daily about something he has said, or about something he has done. He really is special. He is so special to me. And I know he must be special to God.

I realize that you may be able to relate. You might have a child much like Will in your home. These loving little souls are so innocent, and so special. How are they capable of this great love? Did God select them especially for this task? To love? And Will is only three. Imagine his heart if the Lord continues to work on him and through him. Just imagaine. I just need to continue working on the "selective" area in his love compartment! Maybe one day, I will better understand why he is so selective.

Since he was born, the song by Monica titled For you I will has been my song to him. Listen to the words as it plays, if you have time. I can't imagine a better song to dedicate to my first son.

I hope you too have a song for yours.

So Grateful, So Thankful

I have so much in my life to be grateful for. My eyes begin to water just typing that. I have a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful, healthy sons, a roof over my head, vehicles that get me where I need to go...my bills are paid, we have food in the pantry...gosh, I could just go on and on. I am so very thankful for this life, my life. And yet, I feel so unworthy. God continues to bless us (don't get me wrong, he tests us too) yet I feel as though I do nothing for him. I believe in him, I believe he died for me, and I believe in all he represents...but what have I REALLY done for him?

Do you remember my post titled A bad 9 weeks? It's the post where I talked about our claim with State Farm, and how we were denied coverage. If you remember, I stated that both our bathroom floors were "saturated" and also "rotten" underneath due to a leaky air handler. Well, about a week after my blog was posted, I received a call from a dear friend of mine asking me to call her cousin. This seemed strange to me, because although I knew her cousin I didn't understand why she needed me to call her. Well to make a very long story short, the cousin (I'm not going to use names just in case they wouldn't feel comfortable with that) is married to a wonderful man who is also a contractor. He offered to do the work "pro bono" and hoped he would have other resources help and donate supplies. Well, those "resources" didn't follow through like they had claimed they would...yet he is a man that stands by his word and said he would do the work anyway. I even gave him ample opportunities to walk away (talking with his wife via facebook) but she insisted that once her husband said he would do something, he followed through. And I am so grateful that he is the type of man that he is. He has been such a blessing to our family.

He began working on our floors the weekend of August 15th. He isn't finished yet because he does the work on weekends and when he gets chances during the week. He is going above and beyond to make the work right, and has even said he would contact State Farm and try to convince them that the work should have been covered based on what he has seen. He is a God send! He is caring, and genuine, and puts others needs before his own. We are so thankful for him and his family!

But why us God? What have we done for you that you would bless us like this?

Back in June, Progress Energy called and asked me if I wanted to add a coverage to our bill that would repair or replace our hot water heater if needed. Although I always turn down services like this, I opted to get it since I knew the heater was over 30 years old. Our heater started "not heating well" about 2 weeks ago...and I didn't think to call PE until Joey mentioned that I should. I'm so glad we did!
Well...a man from Ocala just installed (he just left) a brand new Rheem hot water heater for FREE through my coverage with Progress Energy.

But why us God? What have we done for you that you would bless us like this?

Back in March I had Angela down at FB Pre-school place Will's name on the list to start pre-k in August. Not long after, I changed my mind and had her remove him. Then a month before school started I called to put his name back on the list because I really felt like he needed the interaction with the other children...but there wasn't an opening. Last Thursday LeAnn called to say they finally had an opening and although I hesitated...I accepted, and decided to place my lil man in pre-k. After filling out the paperwork, I ran into Jeanne M. I expressed my doubts with her about placing him and we chatted for just a few minutes. Later she called to tell me that she felt like God was telling her that I would know the right answer and have peace about my decision. Then she prayed for me. Jeanne, you have a way with words. God has blessed you and you always bless me when I hear you pray. I do have great peace about Will being at First Baptist pre-k, and he seems so happy there :)

But why us God? What have we done for you that you would bless us like this?

I don't know why God blesses us even when I know we are so unworthy. Imagine what he would do for us if we did better by him. I know we live a good solid life, and we talk to Will about God & Jesus. We go to church, and we do good deeds from time to time. But the depth to our relationship with HIM is seriously lacking on our part. Then there is tithe...I always forget tithe. I don't mean to...but I have never established a set pattern. I always remember to pay once the money is gone. I do pay, don't get me wrong...but I forget a lot! And feel so bad about it.

So why us God? What have we done for you that you would continue to bless us?

We are so Grateful.
We are so Thankful.
We are so Blessed.

I am so Unworthy.

I pray that I can be an even better person. I will make it a point to write myself notes so that I won't forget to pay tithe.

I want to feel worthy of all my blessings.

Isn't it so great, that although we fail him...He never fails us.