It's almost April, and I can't believe I have been home for almost 10 months. I can't believe Wes will be 9 months in less than one week! Time has flown by, and all the things I said I would accomplish...well I haven't.
As we get closer to August, I have much to think and pray about. Where will I work? At which school will I get a job? Originally, when I took a leave of absence, everything was all figured out and I knew what to expect. Well things have changed. The teacher that was going to retire is still retiring. But the county is NOT replacing her, they are simply merging her class with a class at the south end. So my hopes of going back to MY position, or to the retired teachers position, have changed. When I took a "leave" I gave up my position. So I don't know if that's an option for me. They may or may not like the current teacher...they may really like her a lot. Either way, I wouldn't want them to not renew her contract just because I have tenure over her. That is NOT the right thing to do.
I do/did love my job as an ESE teacher, teaching children with special needs. But now that I have a child approaching school age, it's not about me anymore. It's about placing him in the BEST environment for HIM, and if that means me changing schools/jobs, then that's what I will do. But I would greatly miss WMHS, because I absolutely love everyone there (staff, kids, etc). It would be a difficult move.
I don't want to apply for a job at The Villages...at least not at this point. But I have made arrangements to shadow teachers at Wildwood Elementary, and Bushnell Elementary, and Galaxy Of Learning (Galaxy now has K and 1st grade). I want to shadow teachers for a few reasons. I want to see where I feel is the best all around school for Will. I also want to see if I am capable of teaching elementary age children. When I say "capable" I basically mean, "handle" the little ones. Can I mentally handle that age...all day?!
Part of me wants to work and send Will to Bushnell elementary. But until I visit each school I won't have a fair assessment. For the record, I will shadow teachers at WES for more than one day. I will only be at the other schools for one visit. I know it's not a true and accurate assessment of each school, but it's a start. And I think I will know what to do.
I may end of at the high school for one more year...but after that, I just don't know. Like I stated before, it's not about me anymore. I have to do what's best for my son and my family. And I have NO CLUE what that will be!!! It's very scary and many of you have already been there and already know what you feel comfortable with. I'd love your feedback...good or bad.
Will starts kindergarten next August. So my time is ticking. I pray that I make the right decision. Don't we all want whats best? Some of us have to make due with the choices we have. I feel blessed that I can change those choices only because I work in the school system. But that doesn't mean I will always be able to do the right thing, but I can certainly try!
Love to all,
Jen
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Making some changes...
I have been thinking about my blog lately, and I am going to start making some changes and doing things a little different. I like Cyndi's idea when she mentioned that her blog is like her online journal. Cyndi said she likes being able to look back on things she has written...things she might have forgotten had she not written them down.
I agree with Cyndi.
I LOVE that people can read my blog, learn new things about me...and just learn new things (couponing for example!) But sometimes I say things that I want to write down but feel that YOU, the reader, may not really care about the topic as much as I did when I wrote it (Revelation post for example).
I am trying to do many things different in my life right now and I want to be able to blog about it without worrying if I will offend someone, or have someone think my ways or ideas are crazy. I have a lot to say, but I just don't write it down...
Also, my goal this year is to really get into "The Word". I lack so much in that area, and it's my #1 goal to really dovote time to God. And as I learn new things, I want to blog about it. As I did with my "Revelation" post.
So from now on...my posts will probably be all over the place. I may post about something in the bible, then I may post a recipe, then my parenting style, then I may post about something personal. So really...this will be my online journal.
Does anyone know how to somehow save all your posts to an archive somewhere? I remember MckMama posting about how to do that one time...please let me know how if you know!!!
Love to you all :)
Jen
I agree with Cyndi.
I LOVE that people can read my blog, learn new things about me...and just learn new things (couponing for example!) But sometimes I say things that I want to write down but feel that YOU, the reader, may not really care about the topic as much as I did when I wrote it (Revelation post for example).
I am trying to do many things different in my life right now and I want to be able to blog about it without worrying if I will offend someone, or have someone think my ways or ideas are crazy. I have a lot to say, but I just don't write it down...
Also, my goal this year is to really get into "The Word". I lack so much in that area, and it's my #1 goal to really dovote time to God. And as I learn new things, I want to blog about it. As I did with my "Revelation" post.
So from now on...my posts will probably be all over the place. I may post about something in the bible, then I may post a recipe, then my parenting style, then I may post about something personal. So really...this will be my online journal.
Does anyone know how to somehow save all your posts to an archive somewhere? I remember MckMama posting about how to do that one time...please let me know how if you know!!!
Love to you all :)
Jen
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
4 years ago today...
I can recall the details as if I had experienced them yesterday. I woke up at 6:02am with contractions about every 10-12 minutes. I woke Joey up and told him that he might need to call in work because I had a feeling it would be today (I was due the very next day). Joey basically said he would go in for a few hours and we would play it by ear...so I got in the shower and decided to take it easy. Well needless to say, I had about 3 contractions while I was in the shower...so Joey called in :)
We got to the hospital at 7:30am and I was only 3cm. Once I was in my room, Dr. Moffitt broke my water and gave me pitocin. I would have had Will by noon, but he had not "dropped" yet. So I had to lay on my left side for 30 min, push a few times, then lay on my right side for 30 min, then push a few times...and so on. It wasn't stressful at all. It was actually a pleasant experience and nothing like the horror stories I hear from others...with HOURS of labor. Finally around 2pm I had finally reached 6cm so Joey decided he and his dad would go to Wolfy's and have a good lunch. Well, by the time he sat down at Wolfy's, I was 10cm! I called and he was back at the hospital in no time! Once Moffitt was there, he asked me to give him a few practice pushes (which were great ones by the way!) and he realized I was fully capabale of pushing this baby out quickly!
William Joseph Ammons was born at 2:52pm on Thursday March 9th 2006. I didn't cry when he was born...I was shocked, overwhelmed...he was my firstborn. I didn't fall in love with him right away either. I loved him...but not like all the stories I'd heard about...I didn't feel that instant bond, a mother's love, die without you kind of love. I just simply loved him because I had just given birth to him.
Let me explain.
After I lost our first baby...I believe I slowly...very slowly, fell into a depression. It wasn't noticable by anyone, not even me. But I believe the loss of our baby triggered the beginning stages.
Months later I hit full blown depression. Something happened (it's personal) and I hit rock bottom. Not only was I depressed...I was also pregnant. Can you imagine the emotions?!
In December 2005, my position with SunTrust Bank was relocated to Orlando so I opted to take a severance payout and leave the bank instead of transferring with the position. I was due in March and I knew that I would be taking time off, so it actually all worked out great. I would have more time to myself, more time to rest, and more time to be depressed.
I was incredibly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I sometimes cried till I threw up. Not because I was pregnant...but for "personal reasons". I was depressed. Like I needed meds kind of depressed. Like I almost ruined my marriage kind of depressed.
I barely ate food. I had to make myself drink a carnation instant breakfast every morning because I knew I had to at least feed my baby. And every day I cried while I rocked my stomach...and I prayed this prayer to God.."God...please let him be everything that I'm not. Please don't allow my emotions to pass on to him...let him be a happy baby, not a crying and miserable baby...like his mother is right now".
They say your emtions can pass on to your child. I HAD to make sure I didn't pass mine to Will. I prayed for that covering daily. But I NEVER asked God to fix me.
I gained 9.5 pounds during my pregnancy. At my 6 week check-up, not only had I lost the 9.5 pounds that I gained...but I had lost an additional 14 pounds. Yes it felt great to look good on the outside...but I was dying on the inside. I didn't gain much weight...because I didn't eat. Will weighed 8 lbs, and 10 oz, and was 22 inches long. So I was thankful for him being plump and healthy.
After I gave birth to Will...I was emotionally detached from him. I never wanted to hurt him. I've heard those stories too.
I remember when he was about 4 weeks old...my dad and step-mom came to visit him. My step-mom was on the floor, talking to him. And he coo'd at her. I had never heard his voice until that moment. I realized that I had never talked to him. I took care of him, bathed him, fed him, held him...but I had never talked to him.
After that, I prayed and I worked at fixing me. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took many months. I started getting out of the house with him, talking to him, and making up for the weeks that I had lost. With God's help...I guess I did "snap-out" of the depression. I must have because I gained 10pounds back!
I'm not sure why I shared my "depression" story with you. Or maybe it's a reminder to myself. But, when I look at Will, I never think about that horrible depression experience. I think about him being one of the loves of my life. My firstborn. My son. An incredible blessing.
Today, Will is everything that a parent would want their child to be. He is funny, sweet, talented, sensitive, incredibly loving, smart, and amazingly handsome. He does have many moments that all children go through...but overall he is a great kid!
"Did you ever think you could love someone so much?"
I remember hating when someone asked me that question. But I quickly fell in love with him (although not right away) and then I understood. And today, I would gladly give my life up for him.
The song "For you I will" is my song to him. I mean every word.
Enjoy the pictures :)
The 2 pictures below were taken just days before I gave birth.
Falling in love....
We got to the hospital at 7:30am and I was only 3cm. Once I was in my room, Dr. Moffitt broke my water and gave me pitocin. I would have had Will by noon, but he had not "dropped" yet. So I had to lay on my left side for 30 min, push a few times, then lay on my right side for 30 min, then push a few times...and so on. It wasn't stressful at all. It was actually a pleasant experience and nothing like the horror stories I hear from others...with HOURS of labor. Finally around 2pm I had finally reached 6cm so Joey decided he and his dad would go to Wolfy's and have a good lunch. Well, by the time he sat down at Wolfy's, I was 10cm! I called and he was back at the hospital in no time! Once Moffitt was there, he asked me to give him a few practice pushes (which were great ones by the way!) and he realized I was fully capabale of pushing this baby out quickly!
William Joseph Ammons was born at 2:52pm on Thursday March 9th 2006. I didn't cry when he was born...I was shocked, overwhelmed...he was my firstborn. I didn't fall in love with him right away either. I loved him...but not like all the stories I'd heard about...I didn't feel that instant bond, a mother's love, die without you kind of love. I just simply loved him because I had just given birth to him.
Let me explain.
After I lost our first baby...I believe I slowly...very slowly, fell into a depression. It wasn't noticable by anyone, not even me. But I believe the loss of our baby triggered the beginning stages.
Months later I hit full blown depression. Something happened (it's personal) and I hit rock bottom. Not only was I depressed...I was also pregnant. Can you imagine the emotions?!
In December 2005, my position with SunTrust Bank was relocated to Orlando so I opted to take a severance payout and leave the bank instead of transferring with the position. I was due in March and I knew that I would be taking time off, so it actually all worked out great. I would have more time to myself, more time to rest, and more time to be depressed.
I was incredibly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I sometimes cried till I threw up. Not because I was pregnant...but for "personal reasons". I was depressed. Like I needed meds kind of depressed. Like I almost ruined my marriage kind of depressed.
I barely ate food. I had to make myself drink a carnation instant breakfast every morning because I knew I had to at least feed my baby. And every day I cried while I rocked my stomach...and I prayed this prayer to God.."God...please let him be everything that I'm not. Please don't allow my emotions to pass on to him...let him be a happy baby, not a crying and miserable baby...like his mother is right now".
They say your emtions can pass on to your child. I HAD to make sure I didn't pass mine to Will. I prayed for that covering daily. But I NEVER asked God to fix me.
I gained 9.5 pounds during my pregnancy. At my 6 week check-up, not only had I lost the 9.5 pounds that I gained...but I had lost an additional 14 pounds. Yes it felt great to look good on the outside...but I was dying on the inside. I didn't gain much weight...because I didn't eat. Will weighed 8 lbs, and 10 oz, and was 22 inches long. So I was thankful for him being plump and healthy.
After I gave birth to Will...I was emotionally detached from him. I never wanted to hurt him. I've heard those stories too.
I remember when he was about 4 weeks old...my dad and step-mom came to visit him. My step-mom was on the floor, talking to him. And he coo'd at her. I had never heard his voice until that moment. I realized that I had never talked to him. I took care of him, bathed him, fed him, held him...but I had never talked to him.
After that, I prayed and I worked at fixing me. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took many months. I started getting out of the house with him, talking to him, and making up for the weeks that I had lost. With God's help...I guess I did "snap-out" of the depression. I must have because I gained 10pounds back!
I'm not sure why I shared my "depression" story with you. Or maybe it's a reminder to myself. But, when I look at Will, I never think about that horrible depression experience. I think about him being one of the loves of my life. My firstborn. My son. An incredible blessing.
Today, Will is everything that a parent would want their child to be. He is funny, sweet, talented, sensitive, incredibly loving, smart, and amazingly handsome. He does have many moments that all children go through...but overall he is a great kid!
"Did you ever think you could love someone so much?"
I remember hating when someone asked me that question. But I quickly fell in love with him (although not right away) and then I understood. And today, I would gladly give my life up for him.
The song "For you I will" is my song to him. I mean every word.
Enjoy the pictures :)
The 2 pictures below were taken just days before I gave birth.
Falling in love....
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Revelation.
Revelation 1:3 Blessed is he that readeth , and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
Did you know, that the book of Revelation is the ONLY book in the bible that promises a special blessing for those who read and hear its words? The entire bible is a blessing, and yes we are blessed by every word. But only in the book of Revelation is it "promised". I don't know about you...but this makes me want to read it over and over again. This is not something I figured out on my own, although I wish I could take the credit. I have recently began reading the book "Revelation Unveiled" by Tim LaHaye and within the pages of this book, I am learning many new facts. I will share some of them here.
(The following is from the book, not my own words)
The book of Revelation completes the circle of bible truths. As the word of God, the Scriptures predictably reveal superb planning and organization. We see that clearly in the book of Revelation, for it completes the great truths begun in Genesis and in other passages of the bible. Here are some examples:
Genesis shows humanity's beginning in a beautiful paradise.
Revelation shows the wonderful paradise to come
Genesis shows how human beings lost a chance to eat of the tree of life
Revelation shows that humankind will yet eat of that tree
Genesis tells of humanity's first rebellion against God
Revelation promises an end to humanity's rebellion against God
Genesis records the first murderer, drunkard, and rebel
Revelation promises a city where "nothing impure will enter it"
Genesis reveals the tragic sorrow that resulted from sin
Revelation promises, "[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes"
Genesis records the first death
Revelation promises that "there will be no more death"
Genesis shows the beginning of the curse
Revelation shows the curse lifted
Genesis introduces the devil for the first time as the tempter of the human race
Revelation shows the final doom of Satan
Genesis promises that Satan's head will be bruised
Revelation shows Satan bruised and defeated
I hope this blesses you in a way that I've been blessed.
I hope this inspires you to begin reading the word daily.
Did you know, that the book of Revelation is the ONLY book in the bible that promises a special blessing for those who read and hear its words? The entire bible is a blessing, and yes we are blessed by every word. But only in the book of Revelation is it "promised". I don't know about you...but this makes me want to read it over and over again. This is not something I figured out on my own, although I wish I could take the credit. I have recently began reading the book "Revelation Unveiled" by Tim LaHaye and within the pages of this book, I am learning many new facts. I will share some of them here.
(The following is from the book, not my own words)
The book of Revelation completes the circle of bible truths. As the word of God, the Scriptures predictably reveal superb planning and organization. We see that clearly in the book of Revelation, for it completes the great truths begun in Genesis and in other passages of the bible. Here are some examples:
Genesis shows humanity's beginning in a beautiful paradise.
Revelation shows the wonderful paradise to come
Genesis shows how human beings lost a chance to eat of the tree of life
Revelation shows that humankind will yet eat of that tree
Genesis tells of humanity's first rebellion against God
Revelation promises an end to humanity's rebellion against God
Genesis records the first murderer, drunkard, and rebel
Revelation promises a city where "nothing impure will enter it"
Genesis reveals the tragic sorrow that resulted from sin
Revelation promises, "[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes"
Genesis records the first death
Revelation promises that "there will be no more death"
Genesis shows the beginning of the curse
Revelation shows the curse lifted
Genesis introduces the devil for the first time as the tempter of the human race
Revelation shows the final doom of Satan
Genesis promises that Satan's head will be bruised
Revelation shows Satan bruised and defeated
I hope this blesses you in a way that I've been blessed.
I hope this inspires you to begin reading the word daily.
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