This week will be, and has been one of the toughest weeks I've had in a long time. This is my last week at home with my boys as a SAHM. I thought I was ready to go back to work, I thought I was ready for "adult conversation" and "a paycheck". But to be honest, I want to stay home. I'm am breaking apart inside, and I want nothing more than to wake up to the sound of Wes banging his passi on the crib and not to the sound of loud beeps. I want to make cinnamon rolls for my boys and watch Nick Jr. I want to go outside and sit on the porch while Wes is in his bouncer, and while Will runs in his "fast shoes". I can catch up on "adult conversation" another day. And I would continue budgeting on one paycheck forever. I want to stay home...but we have planned this and I have accepted a position at WMHS. I know I will get "use to it" but my heart is in a million pieces right now.
I am also sad because Will has to stay at pre-school all day (till 3pm). I'm sad that he has to nap on a mat and not in his bed holding his favorite pillow.
I'm sad that Wes will be with a sitter that has more than one child. I am so thankful for her, don't get me wrong. But I wish a family member could keep him and give him that "one-on-one attention" that I gave him.
I'm sad....because I really want to stay home.
I will miss taking them to Ckick-fil-a for breakfast.
I will miss taking them to the pool.
I will miss watching them drive each other crazy.
I will miss the eight hours a day that I am about to lose with them.
I just want to be home with my boys....
I am also sad because the man that I called my step-dad for the past thirty years, is dying. He has days to live. One day I will write a post just about him. Many of you know him...Darel is his name. He is a huge part of my life...and I'm so sad that my days with him are numbered.
This is such a hard week for me friends...I can barely see my screen to type. My days with Darel are numbered, my days as a SAHM are numbered, watching daily milestones with Wes are numbered...it's just a hard week and I will probably cry more this week than I have in a very long time.
I really want to stay home....
And I'm not ready to send my step-dad home...
