I wasn't sure if I would blog about this. To be honest, it's something I have thought about off and on for a few years. This will come as shocking to many...especially to you Cyndi. Trust me when I say, I have shared this with very few people (Joey, my mom, my classroom aide). I have not kept this secret for any reason. I just choose to not talk about it.
Ok here goes...I have been thinking seriously about becoming a surrogate mother. Why?! Well...I really don't know why to be honest. Maybe God plants these thoughts into our hearts. All I can tell you is this...I'm seriously thinking about this. So much so that I have become a member of a surrogate mother website. I have even received a reply from someone in central Florida who is looking for a surrogate.
So what does this mean? Well, basically my body would be a place for someone else's baby to grow. This would not be my baby. I would provide the womb, the nurturing, and the "intended parents" with a baby they couldn't have conceived on their own. Some surrogates allow for the intended parents to use their (mine) egg, but the sperm would come from the "intended father". So technically, this baby would genetically be half mine. I couldn't do that. But I would allow a fertilized egg (not my egg) to be transplanted in me in hopes that the result would be....well a baby.
I have thought about this over and over. I have not prayed deeply about it though...not yet anyway. There is a chance that women from the surrogate mother website are reading this, so I have to make sure I'm completely honest about my thoughts. I actually just learned last night about how many surrogates allow the intended parents to use their egg. So I was a bit discouraged about that. I would love to help someone, but I can't give them a baby that is partially mine. So that's why I would do this if the egg was donated. I wouldn't want the baby genetically tied to me in any way. Does this make sense?
On the website, I have explained that I am currently pregnant, and how I wouldn't be ready until January 2010. So I truly have given this alot of thought. But I have not researched it extensively. I posted my info page before learning about the whole "my egg but your sperm" part of it all. And I have to say again...I couldn't do that, I just couldn't do it.
Lastly, for those of you that know me, you know that my intentions would not be based on a "financial gain". But knowing that someone cannot have a child breaks my heart after loving Will the way I do. What if I couldn't have conceived Will? What if a surrogate had carried him for me? What if a surrogate had carried your child for you? Would you not be greatful?
5 comments:
Wow...actually that doesn't surprise me at all, knowing you the way that I do. You are a giver. I would like to talk to you about this in person, though. Not to discourage you in any way, just to talk. Pray and let God lead you...go over the pros and cons, make your choice, and don't look back. Otherwise, people around you will confuse you. We'll talk about it over dinner. (:
ps...i'm a lucky girl to have you as a bf.
i have always thought that would be such a cool thing to do for someone. I actually have a friend at work who has had 4 miscarriages and finally decided to give up. She is looking into adoption but her husband is a little hesitant about bringing a kid into their home that isnt "theirs". She has expressed her interest in having a surrogate and a small part of me would want to do that for her but that is such a BIG decision! I am with you on the using your own egg...totally couldn't do that. i didn't even know there was a surrogate website...i'll have to tell her about it! she is 35 and wants a baby so bad...it's heartbreaking. i'm so glad you shared this with us!
Wow, now that's a secret! Man, what you would do for that family that really wanted a baby and couldn't have one. I agree about the whole egg thing. After being a mother and feeling that bond you just want everyone to experience that kind of love. I think it would be a wonderful way to show love to a special family.
I appreciate your unselfishness, and commend your good intentions, but......... with two wee ones of your own, and knowing any pregnancy has risks, I feel it is an endeavor best not undertaken. I mean, anyone, at any point, can have a problem pregnancy. Require a C-section, have blood clots, strokes, hemorage.......... Just so many problems, can happen.
Not to discourage, but unless this was done for a sister/dear friend, would it really be worth the risk, of your sons growing up without a Mommy. Not trying to be the voice of doom, simply the voice of caution and reason.
God bless you, whatever you decide.
It takes a very special person to want to give of themselves so freely, just so that someone else can know the kind of love and joy that you share with your children. You are and always have been that kind of special person and I applaude you for wanting to share those feelings with others that may never know them. I support whatever decision that you make, it will be the right one for you!
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