I don't know why...but I feel like I need to explain myself in regards to my last post.
I have stressed my desire for a "simple" life. I guess I'm just tired of clutter. I look around at all the stuff in my home and I can't believe I have accumulated so much. None of it means anything to me really. And Will has more toys than he knows what to do with. What I mean by simple...I guess I just want less stuff. I want to entertain Will more than I want him to be entertained by his toys. I don't want Nick Jr to teach him the things that I need to be teaching him. I know what I'm feeling and thinking...it's just hard to put it all in words without talking in circles. I'm sure you get the point though :)
Well...I did not get the gifted position. There were three interviews given, and of the three I was the only one NOT certified. So I wasn't chosen, and that's ok. BUT the ESE Head told me that she recommended that I move forward with my certification. She said I had a great interview and thinks I would be a great fit for the position. Unfortunately she "had" to go with someone that was certified (which I expected). She also said she would like to see that area grow, and might possibly hire a 2nd person in the future. So I do plan on working on my certification.
On August 2nd I will resume my previous position as "special needs" ESE teacher. I am actually looking forward to going back to work. Will starts VPK in August, and my neighbor will keep Wes at my house. So I feel good about how everything will work out :)
I am looking forward to these next 5 weeks and being home with my boys. I plan on making the most of our time.
Lastly, Wes turns one on July 7th! He isn't walking just yet, at least not on his own. He walks around everything as long as he's holding on to something..he just won't let go.
I'm getting Will's & Wes' pictures done tomorrow and I can't wait :) I will be sure to post them here and on facebook.
Jen
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Yet another random post...
Well, school is officially out as of Friday June 11th. I can't believe Wes is 11 months, and I can't believe Will starts VPK in August! Where does the time go?!
Wes has not started walking yet. He walks all around the furniture but always holds on! When we try to work with him, he immediately sits. He is such a stinker! It looks like he plans on doing things in HIS time! He is doing some talking..not too much though. He can say mama, dada, nana, and buba (I'm not sure if he actually realizes what he's sayin, lol) OH...and he growls! It's the funniest thing but can be so aggravating! I can't wait till he can actually communicate with us!
Will is such a special little boy. He amazes me with his deep love for family and friends. I've told you all before, but he tells me he loves me more times than I can count in a day. And he tells his friends he loves them too. Sadly, most of them don't reply but Will doesn't care. He just wants them to know he loves them. He really is so sweet spirited.
I have an interview tomorrow for the Gifted Teacher position...FINALLY! If I don't get the position, I truly will be fine with that. I have prayed for God's will...so if the door opens, then I know it's God's will. If the door closes, I know it's God's will. I have completely put this in HIS hands and want the position ONLY if it's meant to be.
We have not put our house up for sale yet. I think we will do so in August or September.
Oh, Will was voted "Most Athletic" is his pre-k superlatives. I was NOT surprised! You should seriously see him hit a ball, swing a club, throw a football, etc. He amazes me and Joey with his strength! Also, he JUST turned 4 and wears a size 13 shoe and sizes 5 & 6 in boys. We are completely out of the toddler section! He was actually out of the toddler section before he turned 4. Of course Joey is a proud daddy ;)
I told you this would be random.
I have a strong desire to have a very simple life. Not that my life is super glamorous, or incredibly busy. But I truly have no desire to buy "things" and collect "things". I'd love to sell everything I own that's unnecessary. Seriously! I was in nanny's house last night and it's so small! And I thought...I'd be so happy here. My house is about 1900 square feet (average size) and her house is about 1000 square feet (maybe!) and I would welcome the change! Half the things that consume our lives just sit there! We walk past our "things" but rarely do we use them! So why have them! And toys!? Our kids really don't want "things" either! Pay attention to your children...what they want is YOUR attention! Call me crazy...but I really want a simple life. I don't ever want Wii or Xbox (or whatever is popular) to keep my kids attention. I want to be outside with them, playing and making memories. To me, that's simple.
Don't get me wrong...I eventually want to build a nice home for my family. But I still want a simple life when I live in it. I don't want to live beyond my means. I don't want everything I own to be financed (and it's not now thank God!). I want us to go camping, and fishing, and hunting....and to the beach ;) What I don't want is all the latest, greatest "gadgets" and "things". Am I making sense?
I told you this would be random.
Anyway, I will keep you posted about my position.
And everything else ;)
Wes has not started walking yet. He walks all around the furniture but always holds on! When we try to work with him, he immediately sits. He is such a stinker! It looks like he plans on doing things in HIS time! He is doing some talking..not too much though. He can say mama, dada, nana, and buba (I'm not sure if he actually realizes what he's sayin, lol) OH...and he growls! It's the funniest thing but can be so aggravating! I can't wait till he can actually communicate with us!
Will is such a special little boy. He amazes me with his deep love for family and friends. I've told you all before, but he tells me he loves me more times than I can count in a day. And he tells his friends he loves them too. Sadly, most of them don't reply but Will doesn't care. He just wants them to know he loves them. He really is so sweet spirited.
I have an interview tomorrow for the Gifted Teacher position...FINALLY! If I don't get the position, I truly will be fine with that. I have prayed for God's will...so if the door opens, then I know it's God's will. If the door closes, I know it's God's will. I have completely put this in HIS hands and want the position ONLY if it's meant to be.
We have not put our house up for sale yet. I think we will do so in August or September.
Oh, Will was voted "Most Athletic" is his pre-k superlatives. I was NOT surprised! You should seriously see him hit a ball, swing a club, throw a football, etc. He amazes me and Joey with his strength! Also, he JUST turned 4 and wears a size 13 shoe and sizes 5 & 6 in boys. We are completely out of the toddler section! He was actually out of the toddler section before he turned 4. Of course Joey is a proud daddy ;)
I told you this would be random.
I have a strong desire to have a very simple life. Not that my life is super glamorous, or incredibly busy. But I truly have no desire to buy "things" and collect "things". I'd love to sell everything I own that's unnecessary. Seriously! I was in nanny's house last night and it's so small! And I thought...I'd be so happy here. My house is about 1900 square feet (average size) and her house is about 1000 square feet (maybe!) and I would welcome the change! Half the things that consume our lives just sit there! We walk past our "things" but rarely do we use them! So why have them! And toys!? Our kids really don't want "things" either! Pay attention to your children...what they want is YOUR attention! Call me crazy...but I really want a simple life. I don't ever want Wii or Xbox (or whatever is popular) to keep my kids attention. I want to be outside with them, playing and making memories. To me, that's simple.
Don't get me wrong...I eventually want to build a nice home for my family. But I still want a simple life when I live in it. I don't want to live beyond my means. I don't want everything I own to be financed (and it's not now thank God!). I want us to go camping, and fishing, and hunting....and to the beach ;) What I don't want is all the latest, greatest "gadgets" and "things". Am I making sense?
I told you this would be random.
Anyway, I will keep you posted about my position.
And everything else ;)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Catching Up
Well, this post will be very random. Scattered in thoughts mostly. But I wanted to share whats going on with me :)
I plan on going back to work on August 2nd, although I have no idea of the position I will be in. I applied for the Gifted Teacher position, and it's the top one on my list! I really want that position so bad! I was offered the position back when I was pregnant with Will, but for many reasons I decided to stay with SunTrust and it worked out for the best that way. I also applied for an elementary position at Lake Pan. I'm hoping to get called this upcoming week for interviews. I have spoken to Hamp and I am welcome to come back to WMHS, but he cannot tell me which position will be available for me until the 2nd week in June. He knows I have applied for other positions and supports me 100%. He really has been so great to work with! So please keep me in your prayers! Please pray (cough, cough...that I will get the Gifted position) for God's will ;)
Wes will be one year old on July 7th! That's maybe 6 or 7 weeks away! Can you believe how quickly time has passed! He is so wonderful, and we are so blessed to have him! Will is a perfect big brother and I'm just so proud of him!
Joey and I are thinking seriously about selling our house. If we invested the money to fix it the way we wanted it, then we would not even break even on selling our home. As it stands now, we would make money.
We are thinking of selling our home (if in this economy it does sell) and renting Nanny's house for maybe one or two years. Our goal is to continue living solely off Joey's pay and completely banking mine. Then in about 2 years, we would either build or buy a house that suits our family's needs. Her house is incredibly small! Only 2 bedrooms, and 1 bath...so it would be a big change and a sacrifice of space. But in the end, we would have a NICE down payment and our only debt would be our home. And it wouldn't be a bad debt because we will have put down more than 20% and could probably do a 15 year mtg on a home that we planned on living in for a long time. What do you guys think?? Has anyone ever done anything like this? Let me know your thoughts, concerns, etc. We still have to talk to Nanny's kids (Joeys mom and her two brothers) but I'm sure they would have no problem with us renting. And Joey and I have to decide if this is what we really want to do. It sounds like a good idea to us at the moment.
(Cyndi your dad doesn't know our plan just yet but I do know the three siblings are looking to rent her house out to help cover the upkeep, land taxes, etc)
I have been working with a personal trainer for about 6 weeks (I had a gold party and my income paid for the trainer!) Now my time is up and I work out on my own. My trainer really pushed me and now I feel so much better about what to do when I am on my own. I didn't lose any weight but I feel so much stronger, and more knowledgeable. I use to leave the gym with barely a little moisture on my neck (before I used a personal trainer)...but now when I leave I have to shower immediately! It's really a great feeling! I work out 3 days a week for a little over an hour each visit. I have also been doing the "couch to 5k" at the gym. Running on the treadmill is a great way to start. It gets my blood and heart pumping and I am energized to keep up the pace for the remaining hour.
Wes was dedicated on Mother's Day! That was very special for me! We had Will dedicated on Mother's Day also. :)
Well....that's all I can think of right now! My family is blessed daily, we are happy, in love, and thankful for our lives together!!!
Hope all is well with you!
I plan on going back to work on August 2nd, although I have no idea of the position I will be in. I applied for the Gifted Teacher position, and it's the top one on my list! I really want that position so bad! I was offered the position back when I was pregnant with Will, but for many reasons I decided to stay with SunTrust and it worked out for the best that way. I also applied for an elementary position at Lake Pan. I'm hoping to get called this upcoming week for interviews. I have spoken to Hamp and I am welcome to come back to WMHS, but he cannot tell me which position will be available for me until the 2nd week in June. He knows I have applied for other positions and supports me 100%. He really has been so great to work with! So please keep me in your prayers! Please pray (cough, cough...that I will get the Gifted position) for God's will ;)
Wes will be one year old on July 7th! That's maybe 6 or 7 weeks away! Can you believe how quickly time has passed! He is so wonderful, and we are so blessed to have him! Will is a perfect big brother and I'm just so proud of him!
Joey and I are thinking seriously about selling our house. If we invested the money to fix it the way we wanted it, then we would not even break even on selling our home. As it stands now, we would make money.
We are thinking of selling our home (if in this economy it does sell) and renting Nanny's house for maybe one or two years. Our goal is to continue living solely off Joey's pay and completely banking mine. Then in about 2 years, we would either build or buy a house that suits our family's needs. Her house is incredibly small! Only 2 bedrooms, and 1 bath...so it would be a big change and a sacrifice of space. But in the end, we would have a NICE down payment and our only debt would be our home. And it wouldn't be a bad debt because we will have put down more than 20% and could probably do a 15 year mtg on a home that we planned on living in for a long time. What do you guys think?? Has anyone ever done anything like this? Let me know your thoughts, concerns, etc. We still have to talk to Nanny's kids (Joeys mom and her two brothers) but I'm sure they would have no problem with us renting. And Joey and I have to decide if this is what we really want to do. It sounds like a good idea to us at the moment.
(Cyndi your dad doesn't know our plan just yet but I do know the three siblings are looking to rent her house out to help cover the upkeep, land taxes, etc)
I have been working with a personal trainer for about 6 weeks (I had a gold party and my income paid for the trainer!) Now my time is up and I work out on my own. My trainer really pushed me and now I feel so much better about what to do when I am on my own. I didn't lose any weight but I feel so much stronger, and more knowledgeable. I use to leave the gym with barely a little moisture on my neck (before I used a personal trainer)...but now when I leave I have to shower immediately! It's really a great feeling! I work out 3 days a week for a little over an hour each visit. I have also been doing the "couch to 5k" at the gym. Running on the treadmill is a great way to start. It gets my blood and heart pumping and I am energized to keep up the pace for the remaining hour.
Wes was dedicated on Mother's Day! That was very special for me! We had Will dedicated on Mother's Day also. :)
Well....that's all I can think of right now! My family is blessed daily, we are happy, in love, and thankful for our lives together!!!
Hope all is well with you!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Time well spent. Time wasted.
Lately...I have thought about my life in general. The older I get, the more I value my life, each moment I have, and how I can best live my life. I'm starting to realize all the things that really matter...but most importantly, I am realizing the many things that do not matter at all.
Think about what I just typed. Why is it more important to realize those things that "don't matter?"
Well...if you think about it, we allow our lives to be consumed with crap!
If you stop focusing on "crap" then maybe you can actually use your imagination to do and try new things. Like: Spend time with people that you know you need to. Show Love more. Say "I love you" more often. Get off your cell phone for a change. Actually turn it off while your driving. Sign on your computer only when the children are napping or are in bed for the night. Love on your animals. Go for a walk, go to the park, have a picnic...the list goes on. Use your imagination.
Ask yourself some of these questions, if they don't apply to you, sit back and think of your own.
***Scenario*** American Idol was great tonight...that Lee and Casey guy sure are cute. Hey why don't I post a question on FB...and say something like..."Who will leave Idol tonight?"....that will probably get a lot of posts!
***Seriously...does it matter who wins Idol this season? Can you remember right off the top of your head who won season 3? Do you go out and buy their CD's? What could you have done for 2 hours that was actually memorable? What did you gain by watching Idol? The answer? Entertainment. It's all about entertainment!!
I could have used Grey's Anatomy, Dancing With The Stars, Desperate Housewives, Glee, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc.
Why do we allow JUNK to JUNK up our lives? I am guilty! But I realize it and I want to change!
If I live for Tuesday nights because of Idol, what am I gaining? Do I walk away having learned something? NO! I was simply entertained.
If I look forward to what Gabby is going to do this Sunday on Desperate Housewives, then what does that say about me? It says I look forward to a story that isn't real. I look forward to the "entertainment" and what it does for me.
If I put Wes down at 11am every morning so that I can watch THE VIEW, and I get mad because he won't go to sleep and is crying....then I seriously need to check myself. When THE VIEW is over...what will I have walked away with? Did I learn something new that I can apply to my life or was I entertained?
Listen friends...I am a fan of sitcoms and reality TV. And I record these shows. But from the bottom of my heart, I try to watch them only when my chores are done, and the kids are napping. There is a time for everything. And...if for some reason Idol didn't record..guess what? I DON'T CARE! I truly don't! These things do not consume me!
I love how Janet tried something new/different and took her kids to the park. I'm sure the satisfaction she felt, seeing her kids so happy....was far more satisfying than a show she recorded and finally watched. One year from now, she will not remember the details of her "show" but I can guarantee she and her children will remember that picnic! (Hope you don't mind me using you as an example!!)
I could go on and on. I could use hundreds of examples. But, it all boils down to this. Think about what you are doing right now, or what you have done so far today up until this point. If you could replay your moments, which ones would you omit? Which ones would you have used as a learning experience for your children (Thank you Jeanne) rather than yelling at them or spanking them? Which moments would you redo with more passion? Before you do something...ask yourself this..."Will I walk away from this with more knowledge? Will I make a difference by doing this? Will I miss an opportunity if I continue?"
I challenge each of you to omit something from your day that is routine. And add something new in it's place. But make that something GREAT :) Get off your butt, stop watching so much TV, stop texting, turn your cell phone off, play games with your children, don't let NICK JR raise your kids, wash those dishes later.
It's ok to make time for "junk". But use your own time. Not your family's time.
We are all guilty.
Think about what I just typed. Why is it more important to realize those things that "don't matter?"
Well...if you think about it, we allow our lives to be consumed with crap!
If you stop focusing on "crap" then maybe you can actually use your imagination to do and try new things. Like: Spend time with people that you know you need to. Show Love more. Say "I love you" more often. Get off your cell phone for a change. Actually turn it off while your driving. Sign on your computer only when the children are napping or are in bed for the night. Love on your animals. Go for a walk, go to the park, have a picnic...the list goes on. Use your imagination.
Ask yourself some of these questions, if they don't apply to you, sit back and think of your own.
***Scenario*** American Idol was great tonight...that Lee and Casey guy sure are cute. Hey why don't I post a question on FB...and say something like..."Who will leave Idol tonight?"....that will probably get a lot of posts!
***Seriously...does it matter who wins Idol this season? Can you remember right off the top of your head who won season 3? Do you go out and buy their CD's? What could you have done for 2 hours that was actually memorable? What did you gain by watching Idol? The answer? Entertainment. It's all about entertainment!!
I could have used Grey's Anatomy, Dancing With The Stars, Desperate Housewives, Glee, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc.
Why do we allow JUNK to JUNK up our lives? I am guilty! But I realize it and I want to change!
If I live for Tuesday nights because of Idol, what am I gaining? Do I walk away having learned something? NO! I was simply entertained.
If I look forward to what Gabby is going to do this Sunday on Desperate Housewives, then what does that say about me? It says I look forward to a story that isn't real. I look forward to the "entertainment" and what it does for me.
If I put Wes down at 11am every morning so that I can watch THE VIEW, and I get mad because he won't go to sleep and is crying....then I seriously need to check myself. When THE VIEW is over...what will I have walked away with? Did I learn something new that I can apply to my life or was I entertained?
Listen friends...I am a fan of sitcoms and reality TV. And I record these shows. But from the bottom of my heart, I try to watch them only when my chores are done, and the kids are napping. There is a time for everything. And...if for some reason Idol didn't record..guess what? I DON'T CARE! I truly don't! These things do not consume me!
I love how Janet tried something new/different and took her kids to the park. I'm sure the satisfaction she felt, seeing her kids so happy....was far more satisfying than a show she recorded and finally watched. One year from now, she will not remember the details of her "show" but I can guarantee she and her children will remember that picnic! (Hope you don't mind me using you as an example!!)
I could go on and on. I could use hundreds of examples. But, it all boils down to this. Think about what you are doing right now, or what you have done so far today up until this point. If you could replay your moments, which ones would you omit? Which ones would you have used as a learning experience for your children (Thank you Jeanne) rather than yelling at them or spanking them? Which moments would you redo with more passion? Before you do something...ask yourself this..."Will I walk away from this with more knowledge? Will I make a difference by doing this? Will I miss an opportunity if I continue?"
I challenge each of you to omit something from your day that is routine. And add something new in it's place. But make that something GREAT :) Get off your butt, stop watching so much TV, stop texting, turn your cell phone off, play games with your children, don't let NICK JR raise your kids, wash those dishes later.
It's ok to make time for "junk". But use your own time. Not your family's time.
We are all guilty.
Monday, March 29, 2010
school.
It's almost April, and I can't believe I have been home for almost 10 months. I can't believe Wes will be 9 months in less than one week! Time has flown by, and all the things I said I would accomplish...well I haven't.
As we get closer to August, I have much to think and pray about. Where will I work? At which school will I get a job? Originally, when I took a leave of absence, everything was all figured out and I knew what to expect. Well things have changed. The teacher that was going to retire is still retiring. But the county is NOT replacing her, they are simply merging her class with a class at the south end. So my hopes of going back to MY position, or to the retired teachers position, have changed. When I took a "leave" I gave up my position. So I don't know if that's an option for me. They may or may not like the current teacher...they may really like her a lot. Either way, I wouldn't want them to not renew her contract just because I have tenure over her. That is NOT the right thing to do.
I do/did love my job as an ESE teacher, teaching children with special needs. But now that I have a child approaching school age, it's not about me anymore. It's about placing him in the BEST environment for HIM, and if that means me changing schools/jobs, then that's what I will do. But I would greatly miss WMHS, because I absolutely love everyone there (staff, kids, etc). It would be a difficult move.
I don't want to apply for a job at The Villages...at least not at this point. But I have made arrangements to shadow teachers at Wildwood Elementary, and Bushnell Elementary, and Galaxy Of Learning (Galaxy now has K and 1st grade). I want to shadow teachers for a few reasons. I want to see where I feel is the best all around school for Will. I also want to see if I am capable of teaching elementary age children. When I say "capable" I basically mean, "handle" the little ones. Can I mentally handle that age...all day?!
Part of me wants to work and send Will to Bushnell elementary. But until I visit each school I won't have a fair assessment. For the record, I will shadow teachers at WES for more than one day. I will only be at the other schools for one visit. I know it's not a true and accurate assessment of each school, but it's a start. And I think I will know what to do.
I may end of at the high school for one more year...but after that, I just don't know. Like I stated before, it's not about me anymore. I have to do what's best for my son and my family. And I have NO CLUE what that will be!!! It's very scary and many of you have already been there and already know what you feel comfortable with. I'd love your feedback...good or bad.
Will starts kindergarten next August. So my time is ticking. I pray that I make the right decision. Don't we all want whats best? Some of us have to make due with the choices we have. I feel blessed that I can change those choices only because I work in the school system. But that doesn't mean I will always be able to do the right thing, but I can certainly try!
Love to all,
Jen
As we get closer to August, I have much to think and pray about. Where will I work? At which school will I get a job? Originally, when I took a leave of absence, everything was all figured out and I knew what to expect. Well things have changed. The teacher that was going to retire is still retiring. But the county is NOT replacing her, they are simply merging her class with a class at the south end. So my hopes of going back to MY position, or to the retired teachers position, have changed. When I took a "leave" I gave up my position. So I don't know if that's an option for me. They may or may not like the current teacher...they may really like her a lot. Either way, I wouldn't want them to not renew her contract just because I have tenure over her. That is NOT the right thing to do.
I do/did love my job as an ESE teacher, teaching children with special needs. But now that I have a child approaching school age, it's not about me anymore. It's about placing him in the BEST environment for HIM, and if that means me changing schools/jobs, then that's what I will do. But I would greatly miss WMHS, because I absolutely love everyone there (staff, kids, etc). It would be a difficult move.
I don't want to apply for a job at The Villages...at least not at this point. But I have made arrangements to shadow teachers at Wildwood Elementary, and Bushnell Elementary, and Galaxy Of Learning (Galaxy now has K and 1st grade). I want to shadow teachers for a few reasons. I want to see where I feel is the best all around school for Will. I also want to see if I am capable of teaching elementary age children. When I say "capable" I basically mean, "handle" the little ones. Can I mentally handle that age...all day?!
Part of me wants to work and send Will to Bushnell elementary. But until I visit each school I won't have a fair assessment. For the record, I will shadow teachers at WES for more than one day. I will only be at the other schools for one visit. I know it's not a true and accurate assessment of each school, but it's a start. And I think I will know what to do.
I may end of at the high school for one more year...but after that, I just don't know. Like I stated before, it's not about me anymore. I have to do what's best for my son and my family. And I have NO CLUE what that will be!!! It's very scary and many of you have already been there and already know what you feel comfortable with. I'd love your feedback...good or bad.
Will starts kindergarten next August. So my time is ticking. I pray that I make the right decision. Don't we all want whats best? Some of us have to make due with the choices we have. I feel blessed that I can change those choices only because I work in the school system. But that doesn't mean I will always be able to do the right thing, but I can certainly try!
Love to all,
Jen
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Making some changes...
I have been thinking about my blog lately, and I am going to start making some changes and doing things a little different. I like Cyndi's idea when she mentioned that her blog is like her online journal. Cyndi said she likes being able to look back on things she has written...things she might have forgotten had she not written them down.
I agree with Cyndi.
I LOVE that people can read my blog, learn new things about me...and just learn new things (couponing for example!) But sometimes I say things that I want to write down but feel that YOU, the reader, may not really care about the topic as much as I did when I wrote it (Revelation post for example).
I am trying to do many things different in my life right now and I want to be able to blog about it without worrying if I will offend someone, or have someone think my ways or ideas are crazy. I have a lot to say, but I just don't write it down...
Also, my goal this year is to really get into "The Word". I lack so much in that area, and it's my #1 goal to really dovote time to God. And as I learn new things, I want to blog about it. As I did with my "Revelation" post.
So from now on...my posts will probably be all over the place. I may post about something in the bible, then I may post a recipe, then my parenting style, then I may post about something personal. So really...this will be my online journal.
Does anyone know how to somehow save all your posts to an archive somewhere? I remember MckMama posting about how to do that one time...please let me know how if you know!!!
Love to you all :)
Jen
I agree with Cyndi.
I LOVE that people can read my blog, learn new things about me...and just learn new things (couponing for example!) But sometimes I say things that I want to write down but feel that YOU, the reader, may not really care about the topic as much as I did when I wrote it (Revelation post for example).
I am trying to do many things different in my life right now and I want to be able to blog about it without worrying if I will offend someone, or have someone think my ways or ideas are crazy. I have a lot to say, but I just don't write it down...
Also, my goal this year is to really get into "The Word". I lack so much in that area, and it's my #1 goal to really dovote time to God. And as I learn new things, I want to blog about it. As I did with my "Revelation" post.
So from now on...my posts will probably be all over the place. I may post about something in the bible, then I may post a recipe, then my parenting style, then I may post about something personal. So really...this will be my online journal.
Does anyone know how to somehow save all your posts to an archive somewhere? I remember MckMama posting about how to do that one time...please let me know how if you know!!!
Love to you all :)
Jen
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
4 years ago today...
I can recall the details as if I had experienced them yesterday. I woke up at 6:02am with contractions about every 10-12 minutes. I woke Joey up and told him that he might need to call in work because I had a feeling it would be today (I was due the very next day). Joey basically said he would go in for a few hours and we would play it by ear...so I got in the shower and decided to take it easy. Well needless to say, I had about 3 contractions while I was in the shower...so Joey called in :)
We got to the hospital at 7:30am and I was only 3cm. Once I was in my room, Dr. Moffitt broke my water and gave me pitocin. I would have had Will by noon, but he had not "dropped" yet. So I had to lay on my left side for 30 min, push a few times, then lay on my right side for 30 min, then push a few times...and so on. It wasn't stressful at all. It was actually a pleasant experience and nothing like the horror stories I hear from others...with HOURS of labor. Finally around 2pm I had finally reached 6cm so Joey decided he and his dad would go to Wolfy's and have a good lunch. Well, by the time he sat down at Wolfy's, I was 10cm! I called and he was back at the hospital in no time! Once Moffitt was there, he asked me to give him a few practice pushes (which were great ones by the way!) and he realized I was fully capabale of pushing this baby out quickly!
William Joseph Ammons was born at 2:52pm on Thursday March 9th 2006. I didn't cry when he was born...I was shocked, overwhelmed...he was my firstborn. I didn't fall in love with him right away either. I loved him...but not like all the stories I'd heard about...I didn't feel that instant bond, a mother's love, die without you kind of love. I just simply loved him because I had just given birth to him.
Let me explain.
After I lost our first baby...I believe I slowly...very slowly, fell into a depression. It wasn't noticable by anyone, not even me. But I believe the loss of our baby triggered the beginning stages.
Months later I hit full blown depression. Something happened (it's personal) and I hit rock bottom. Not only was I depressed...I was also pregnant. Can you imagine the emotions?!
In December 2005, my position with SunTrust Bank was relocated to Orlando so I opted to take a severance payout and leave the bank instead of transferring with the position. I was due in March and I knew that I would be taking time off, so it actually all worked out great. I would have more time to myself, more time to rest, and more time to be depressed.
I was incredibly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I sometimes cried till I threw up. Not because I was pregnant...but for "personal reasons". I was depressed. Like I needed meds kind of depressed. Like I almost ruined my marriage kind of depressed.
I barely ate food. I had to make myself drink a carnation instant breakfast every morning because I knew I had to at least feed my baby. And every day I cried while I rocked my stomach...and I prayed this prayer to God.."God...please let him be everything that I'm not. Please don't allow my emotions to pass on to him...let him be a happy baby, not a crying and miserable baby...like his mother is right now".
They say your emtions can pass on to your child. I HAD to make sure I didn't pass mine to Will. I prayed for that covering daily. But I NEVER asked God to fix me.
I gained 9.5 pounds during my pregnancy. At my 6 week check-up, not only had I lost the 9.5 pounds that I gained...but I had lost an additional 14 pounds. Yes it felt great to look good on the outside...but I was dying on the inside. I didn't gain much weight...because I didn't eat. Will weighed 8 lbs, and 10 oz, and was 22 inches long. So I was thankful for him being plump and healthy.
After I gave birth to Will...I was emotionally detached from him. I never wanted to hurt him. I've heard those stories too.
I remember when he was about 4 weeks old...my dad and step-mom came to visit him. My step-mom was on the floor, talking to him. And he coo'd at her. I had never heard his voice until that moment. I realized that I had never talked to him. I took care of him, bathed him, fed him, held him...but I had never talked to him.
After that, I prayed and I worked at fixing me. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took many months. I started getting out of the house with him, talking to him, and making up for the weeks that I had lost. With God's help...I guess I did "snap-out" of the depression. I must have because I gained 10pounds back!
I'm not sure why I shared my "depression" story with you. Or maybe it's a reminder to myself. But, when I look at Will, I never think about that horrible depression experience. I think about him being one of the loves of my life. My firstborn. My son. An incredible blessing.
Today, Will is everything that a parent would want their child to be. He is funny, sweet, talented, sensitive, incredibly loving, smart, and amazingly handsome. He does have many moments that all children go through...but overall he is a great kid!
"Did you ever think you could love someone so much?"
I remember hating when someone asked me that question. But I quickly fell in love with him (although not right away) and then I understood. And today, I would gladly give my life up for him.
The song "For you I will" is my song to him. I mean every word.
Enjoy the pictures :)
The 2 pictures below were taken just days before I gave birth.
Falling in love....
We got to the hospital at 7:30am and I was only 3cm. Once I was in my room, Dr. Moffitt broke my water and gave me pitocin. I would have had Will by noon, but he had not "dropped" yet. So I had to lay on my left side for 30 min, push a few times, then lay on my right side for 30 min, then push a few times...and so on. It wasn't stressful at all. It was actually a pleasant experience and nothing like the horror stories I hear from others...with HOURS of labor. Finally around 2pm I had finally reached 6cm so Joey decided he and his dad would go to Wolfy's and have a good lunch. Well, by the time he sat down at Wolfy's, I was 10cm! I called and he was back at the hospital in no time! Once Moffitt was there, he asked me to give him a few practice pushes (which were great ones by the way!) and he realized I was fully capabale of pushing this baby out quickly!
William Joseph Ammons was born at 2:52pm on Thursday March 9th 2006. I didn't cry when he was born...I was shocked, overwhelmed...he was my firstborn. I didn't fall in love with him right away either. I loved him...but not like all the stories I'd heard about...I didn't feel that instant bond, a mother's love, die without you kind of love. I just simply loved him because I had just given birth to him.
Let me explain.
After I lost our first baby...I believe I slowly...very slowly, fell into a depression. It wasn't noticable by anyone, not even me. But I believe the loss of our baby triggered the beginning stages.
Months later I hit full blown depression. Something happened (it's personal) and I hit rock bottom. Not only was I depressed...I was also pregnant. Can you imagine the emotions?!
In December 2005, my position with SunTrust Bank was relocated to Orlando so I opted to take a severance payout and leave the bank instead of transferring with the position. I was due in March and I knew that I would be taking time off, so it actually all worked out great. I would have more time to myself, more time to rest, and more time to be depressed.
I was incredibly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I sometimes cried till I threw up. Not because I was pregnant...but for "personal reasons". I was depressed. Like I needed meds kind of depressed. Like I almost ruined my marriage kind of depressed.
I barely ate food. I had to make myself drink a carnation instant breakfast every morning because I knew I had to at least feed my baby. And every day I cried while I rocked my stomach...and I prayed this prayer to God.."God...please let him be everything that I'm not. Please don't allow my emotions to pass on to him...let him be a happy baby, not a crying and miserable baby...like his mother is right now".
They say your emtions can pass on to your child. I HAD to make sure I didn't pass mine to Will. I prayed for that covering daily. But I NEVER asked God to fix me.
I gained 9.5 pounds during my pregnancy. At my 6 week check-up, not only had I lost the 9.5 pounds that I gained...but I had lost an additional 14 pounds. Yes it felt great to look good on the outside...but I was dying on the inside. I didn't gain much weight...because I didn't eat. Will weighed 8 lbs, and 10 oz, and was 22 inches long. So I was thankful for him being plump and healthy.
After I gave birth to Will...I was emotionally detached from him. I never wanted to hurt him. I've heard those stories too.
I remember when he was about 4 weeks old...my dad and step-mom came to visit him. My step-mom was on the floor, talking to him. And he coo'd at her. I had never heard his voice until that moment. I realized that I had never talked to him. I took care of him, bathed him, fed him, held him...but I had never talked to him.
After that, I prayed and I worked at fixing me. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took many months. I started getting out of the house with him, talking to him, and making up for the weeks that I had lost. With God's help...I guess I did "snap-out" of the depression. I must have because I gained 10pounds back!
I'm not sure why I shared my "depression" story with you. Or maybe it's a reminder to myself. But, when I look at Will, I never think about that horrible depression experience. I think about him being one of the loves of my life. My firstborn. My son. An incredible blessing.
Today, Will is everything that a parent would want their child to be. He is funny, sweet, talented, sensitive, incredibly loving, smart, and amazingly handsome. He does have many moments that all children go through...but overall he is a great kid!
"Did you ever think you could love someone so much?"
I remember hating when someone asked me that question. But I quickly fell in love with him (although not right away) and then I understood. And today, I would gladly give my life up for him.
The song "For you I will" is my song to him. I mean every word.
Enjoy the pictures :)
The 2 pictures below were taken just days before I gave birth.
Falling in love....
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