Hiding Place

They really do say the darndest things!

2011-01-07T20:03:00.000-08:00

This is a quick post to share some things Will has asked me lately:

1. Mommy, does the Devil have bones?

2. Mommy, do Angels have bones?

3. Mommy, why did God choose Mary to have The King Of Kings (He really did!)

4. Mommy, why were you born before me? (He asks this at least 10 times per day! I got so tired of answering it that I finally said, "Will I give you the same answer everyday...if you don't believe me then ask Jesus!)

5. Mommy, which is meaner...the grinch or the devil?

6. Recently, when we picked up Wes from the sitter...Will looked around and asked Teresa, "How did you pay for all this"

7. He also asked me if Jesus had sketchers...or something like that...it had to do with Jesus and a pair of shoes...lol :)

8. Mommy...do we have church in the mornin if I'm sick? Me: no, but you are better now so we will be goin. "Well mommy I think I'm gonna be sick then"

The list goes on and on! There is never a dull moment with him!

At Amazing Glaze the other day, he says to me (and there are people all around us) "Mommy, why do you always say bad words" (First of all, I don't!) I said "Will I don't say bad words" He said "mommy you are tellin a story" So I start laughing and he starts laughing because we both know that he is puttin on a show! I said, ok if I say bad things then what do I say...he said "you call me stupid and you call me a pretty princess" all the while he is laughing so hard he can barely answer me...and so is his audience! He is normally so quiet, but not that day! And I promise you, I don't say bad words!

Birthday Post

2010-12-29T20:45:00.000-08:00

I want to start by acknowledging Darel's birthday. It's 11:48pm as I type this, and he would have been seventy-five today. It's always been easy for me to remember his birthday since ours is one day apart. I will be thirty-four tomorrow (six minutes away to be exact) and he had been in my life since I was only three. Happy Birthday Darel...I love and miss you very much.

It's been over five months since my last post, and since it's now my birthday (12:03am) I figured I would list thirty-four random things about myself that you may or may not know.

1. I was born on December 30, 1976 in Dothan, AL...it snowed that year, a lot!

2. My name is Jennifer Kelly, and I was almost Jennifer Shelly. My granny Horton wanted my mom to name me Agatha (God rest her soul...)

3. As a child, my favorite show was The Price Is Right...and if you asked me my name I would always tell you "Jennifer Kelly Horton come on down"

4. At twenty-two months old, I almost died from simply inhaling a liquid that was used to put livestock (such as cows) to sleep. My stomach had to be pumped and it is truly a miracle that I survived. I still have a small scar as a reminder.

5. I have 4 siblings, 2 sisters and 2 brothers...and I am the "middle child"

6. I attended three elementary schools: A school in Springfield, Ma., Lovell Elem in Apopka, then NSPS in Wildwood. I started NSPS at the end of my 2nd grade year.

7. I once broke into a school...while on a double date. We didn't actually "break in"...we simply lifted the window and crawled in! Very different! Really!

8. I use to think my eyes were purchased at Sears

9. I share a birthday with Tiger Woods, Lebron James, & Matt Lauer

10. I love to read

11. I was voted "best dancer" in the 8th grade (so corny!)

12. My best friend and I actually won a dance-off at a club in Leesburg (too funny!)

13. I have had the same two best friends for 18 years...we actually have a dinner date next Tuesday ;)

14. I am really good at keeping secrets.

15. I graduated from USF in May 2001

16. My favorite job (while in school) was working in the jewelry dept. @ Service Merchandise

17. I have been a teacher for four years and I LOVE what I do (although this is by far my most challenging year!)

18. My first car was an 86 Toyota Camry

19. My 3rd car was the first one I purchased, it was a 99 Chevy Malibu (and my least favorite car)

20. I learned how to drive by driving an old Chevy around the pastures at my house in Oxford

21. I Consider myself a leader. I have never been a follower!

22. Before I had children, I never cried. Now I cry over sad commercials.

23. I have a really, really bad temper...if provoked.

24. I am optimistic, and a procrastinator.

25. I often play the role of devils advocate

26. I miscarried my first baby in December 2005

27. I love a good nap! I could seriously take one daily.

28. I have been in two car accidents. Neither was my fault.

29. I have not had a speeding ticket since 98

30. I was the President of my Senior Class

31. I was voted Homecoming queen my senior year (it was obviously a popularity contest and not based on looks!)

32. My little brother and sister call me "Jitt Jitt", and to some of my family I am "Jennabug"

33. I LOVE the beach! Especially the gulf coast beaches.

34. I love my husband and my boys, my life really is so blessed!

A difficult week.

2010-07-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

This week will be, and has been one of the toughest weeks I've had in a long time. This is my last week at home with my boys as a SAHM. I thought I was ready to go back to work, I thought I was ready for "adult conversation" and "a paycheck". But to be honest, I want to stay home. I'm am breaking apart inside, and I want nothing more than to wake up to the sound of Wes banging his passi on the crib and not to the sound of loud beeps. I want to make cinnamon rolls for my boys and watch Nick Jr. I want to go outside and sit on the porch while Wes is in his bouncer, and while Will runs in his "fast shoes". I can catch up on "adult conversation" another day. And I would continue budgeting on one paycheck forever. I want to stay home...but we have planned this and I have accepted a position at WMHS. I know I will get "use to it" but my heart is in a million pieces right now.

I am also sad because Will has to stay at pre-school all day (till 3pm). I'm sad that he has to nap on a mat and not in his bed holding his favorite pillow.

I'm sad that Wes will be with a sitter that has more than one child. I am so thankful for her, don't get me wrong. But I wish a family member could keep him and give him that "one-on-one attention" that I gave him.

I'm sad....because I really want to stay home.

I will miss taking them to Ckick-fil-a for breakfast.

I will miss taking them to the pool.

I will miss watching them drive each other crazy.

I will miss the eight hours a day that I am about to lose with them.

I just want to be home with my boys....

I am also sad because the man that I called my step-dad for the past thirty years, is dying. He has days to live. One day I will write a post just about him. Many of you know him...Darel is his name. He is a huge part of my life...and I'm so sad that my days with him are numbered.

This is such a hard week for me friends...I can barely see my screen to type. My days with Darel are numbered, my days as a SAHM are numbered, watching daily milestones with Wes are numbered...it's just a hard week and I will probably cry more this week than I have in a very long time.

I really want to stay home....

And I'm not ready to send my step-dad home...

A few updates

2010-06-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know why...but I feel like I need to explain myself in regards to my last post.

I have stressed my desire for a "simple" life. I guess I'm just tired of clutter. I look around at all the stuff in my home and I can't believe I have accumulated so much. None of it means anything to me really. And Will has more toys than he knows what to do with. What I mean by simple...I guess I just want less stuff. I want to entertain Will more than I want him to be entertained by his toys. I don't want Nick Jr to teach him the things that I need to be teaching him. I know what I'm feeling and thinking...it's just hard to put it all in words without talking in circles. I'm sure you get the point though :)

Well...I did not get the gifted position. There were three interviews given, and of the three I was the only one NOT certified. So I wasn't chosen, and that's ok. BUT the ESE Head told me that she recommended that I move forward with my certification. She said I had a great interview and thinks I would be a great fit for the position. Unfortunately she "had" to go with someone that was certified (which I expected). She also said she would like to see that area grow, and might possibly hire a 2nd person in the future. So I do plan on working on my certification.

On August 2nd I will resume my previous position as "special needs" ESE teacher. I am actually looking forward to going back to work. Will starts VPK in August, and my neighbor will keep Wes at my house. So I feel good about how everything will work out :)

I am looking forward to these next 5 weeks and being home with my boys. I plan on making the most of our time.

Lastly, Wes turns one on July 7th! He isn't walking just yet, at least not on his own. He walks around everything as long as he's holding on to something..he just won't let go.

I'm getting Will's & Wes' pictures done tomorrow and I can't wait :) I will be sure to post them here and on facebook.

Jen

Yet another random post...

2010-06-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

Well, school is officially out as of Friday June 11th. I can't believe Wes is 11 months, and I can't believe Will starts VPK in August! Where does the time go?!

Wes has not started walking yet. He walks all around the furniture but always holds on! When we try to work with him, he immediately sits. He is such a stinker! It looks like he plans on doing things in HIS time! He is doing some talking..not too much though. He can say mama, dada, nana, and buba (I'm not sure if he actually realizes what he's sayin, lol) OH...and he growls! It's the funniest thing but can be so aggravating! I can't wait till he can actually communicate with us!

Will is such a special little boy. He amazes me with his deep love for family and friends. I've told you all before, but he tells me he loves me more times than I can count in a day. And he tells his friends he loves them too. Sadly, most of them don't reply but Will doesn't care. He just wants them to know he loves them. He really is so sweet spirited.

I have an interview tomorrow for the Gifted Teacher position...FINALLY! If I don't get the position, I truly will be fine with that. I have prayed for God's will...so if the door opens, then I know it's God's will. If the door closes, I know it's God's will. I have completely put this in HIS hands and want the position ONLY if it's meant to be.

We have not put our house up for sale yet. I think we will do so in August or September.

Oh, Will was voted "Most Athletic" is his pre-k superlatives. I was NOT surprised! You should seriously see him hit a ball, swing a club, throw a football, etc. He amazes me and Joey with his strength! Also, he JUST turned 4 and wears a size 13 shoe and sizes 5 & 6 in boys. We are completely out of the toddler section! He was actually out of the toddler section before he turned 4. Of course Joey is a proud daddy ;)

I told you this would be random.

I have a strong desire to have a very simple life. Not that my life is super glamorous, or incredibly busy. But I truly have no desire to buy "things" and collect "things". I'd love to sell everything I own that's unnecessary. Seriously! I was in nanny's house last night and it's so small! And I thought...I'd be so happy here. My house is about 1900 square feet (average size) and her house is about 1000 square feet (maybe!) and I would welcome the change! Half the things that consume our lives just sit there! We walk past our "things" but rarely do we use them! So why have them! And toys!? Our kids really don't want "things" either! Pay attention to your children...what they want is YOUR attention! Call me crazy...but I really want a simple life. I don't ever want Wii or Xbox (or whatever is popular) to keep my kids attention. I want to be outside with them, playing and making memories. To me, that's simple.

Don't get me wrong...I eventually want to build a nice home for my family. But I still want a simple life when I live in it. I don't want to live beyond my means. I don't want everything I own to be financed (and it's not now thank God!). I want us to go camping, and fishing, and hunting....and to the beach ;) What I don't want is all the latest, greatest "gadgets" and "things". Am I making sense?

I told you this would be random.

Anyway, I will keep you posted about my position.

And everything else ;)

Catching Up

2010-05-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

Well, this post will be very random. Scattered in thoughts mostly. But I wanted to share whats going on with me :)

I plan on going back to work on August 2nd, although I have no idea of the position I will be in. I applied for the Gifted Teacher position, and it's the top one on my list! I really want that position so bad! I was offered the position back when I was pregnant with Will, but for many reasons I decided to stay with SunTrust and it worked out for the best that way. I also applied for an elementary position at Lake Pan. I'm hoping to get called this upcoming week for interviews. I have spoken to Hamp and I am welcome to come back to WMHS, but he cannot tell me which position will be available for me until the 2nd week in June. He knows I have applied for other positions and supports me 100%. He really has been so great to work with! So please keep me in your prayers! Please pray (cough, cough...that I will get the Gifted position) for God's will ;)

Wes will be one year old on July 7th! That's maybe 6 or 7 weeks away! Can you believe how quickly time has passed! He is so wonderful, and we are so blessed to have him! Will is a perfect big brother and I'm just so proud of him!

Joey and I are thinking seriously about selling our house. If we invested the money to fix it the way we wanted it, then we would not even break even on selling our home. As it stands now, we would make money.

We are thinking of selling our home (if in this economy it does sell) and renting Nanny's house for maybe one or two years. Our goal is to continue living solely off Joey's pay and completely banking mine. Then in about 2 years, we would either build or buy a house that suits our family's needs. Her house is incredibly small! Only 2 bedrooms, and 1 bath...so it would be a big change and a sacrifice of space. But in the end, we would have a NICE down payment and our only debt would be our home. And it wouldn't be a bad debt because we will have put down more than 20% and could probably do a 15 year mtg on a home that we planned on living in for a long time. What do you guys think?? Has anyone ever done anything like this? Let me know your thoughts, concerns, etc. We still have to talk to Nanny's kids (Joeys mom and her two brothers) but I'm sure they would have no problem with us renting. And Joey and I have to decide if this is what we really want to do. It sounds like a good idea to us at the moment.

(Cyndi your dad doesn't know our plan just yet but I do know the three siblings are looking to rent her house out to help cover the upkeep, land taxes, etc)

I have been working with a personal trainer for about 6 weeks (I had a gold party and my income paid for the trainer!) Now my time is up and I work out on my own. My trainer really pushed me and now I feel so much better about what to do when I am on my own. I didn't lose any weight but I feel so much stronger, and more knowledgeable. I use to leave the gym with barely a little moisture on my neck (before I used a personal trainer)...but now when I leave I have to shower immediately! It's really a great feeling! I work out 3 days a week for a little over an hour each visit. I have also been doing the "couch to 5k" at the gym. Running on the treadmill is a great way to start. It gets my blood and heart pumping and I am energized to keep up the pace for the remaining hour.

Wes was dedicated on Mother's Day! That was very special for me! We had Will dedicated on Mother's Day also. :)

Well....that's all I can think of right now! My family is blessed daily, we are happy, in love, and thankful for our lives together!!!

Hope all is well with you!

Time well spent. Time wasted.

2010-04-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

Lately...I have thought about my life in general. The older I get, the more I value my life, each moment I have, and how I can best live my life. I'm starting to realize all the things that really matter...but most importantly, I am realizing the many things that do not matter at all.

Think about what I just typed. Why is it more important to realize those things that "don't matter?"

Well...if you think about it, we allow our lives to be consumed with crap!

If you stop focusing on "crap" then maybe you can actually use your imagination to do and try new things. Like: Spend time with people that you know you need to. Show Love more. Say "I love you" more often. Get off your cell phone for a change. Actually turn it off while your driving. Sign on your computer only when the children are napping or are in bed for the night. Love on your animals. Go for a walk, go to the park, have a picnic...the list goes on. Use your imagination.

Ask yourself some of these questions, if they don't apply to you, sit back and think of your own.

***Scenario*** American Idol was great tonight...that Lee and Casey guy sure are cute. Hey why don't I post a question on FB...and say something like..."Who will leave Idol tonight?"....that will probably get a lot of posts!

***Seriously...does it matter who wins Idol this season? Can you remember right off the top of your head who won season 3? Do you go out and buy their CD's? What could you have done for 2 hours that was actually memorable? What did you gain by watching Idol? The answer? Entertainment. It's all about entertainment!!

I could have used Grey's Anatomy, Dancing With The Stars, Desperate Housewives, Glee, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc.

Why do we allow JUNK to JUNK up our lives? I am guilty! But I realize it and I want to change!

If I live for Tuesday nights because of Idol, what am I gaining? Do I walk away having learned something? NO! I was simply entertained.

If I look forward to what Gabby is going to do this Sunday on Desperate Housewives, then what does that say about me? It says I look forward to a story that isn't real. I look forward to the "entertainment" and what it does for me.

If I put Wes down at 11am every morning so that I can watch THE VIEW, and I get mad because he won't go to sleep and is crying....then I seriously need to check myself. When THE VIEW is over...what will I have walked away with? Did I learn something new that I can apply to my life or was I entertained?

Listen friends...I am a fan of sitcoms and reality TV. And I record these shows. But from the bottom of my heart, I try to watch them only when my chores are done, and the kids are napping. There is a time for everything. And...if for some reason Idol didn't record..guess what? I DON'T CARE! I truly don't! These things do not consume me!

I love how Janet tried something new/different and took her kids to the park. I'm sure the satisfaction she felt, seeing her kids so happy....was far more satisfying than a show she recorded and finally watched. One year from now, she will not remember the details of her "show" but I can guarantee she and her children will remember that picnic! (Hope you don't mind me using you as an example!!)

I could go on and on. I could use hundreds of examples. But, it all boils down to this. Think about what you are doing right now, or what you have done so far today up until this point. If you could replay your moments, which ones would you omit? Which ones would you have used as a learning experience for your children (Thank you Jeanne) rather than yelling at them or spanking them? Which moments would you redo with more passion? Before you do something...ask yourself this..."Will I walk away from this with more knowledge? Will I make a difference by doing this? Will I miss an opportunity if I continue?"

I challenge each of you to omit something from your day that is routine. And add something new in it's place. But make that something GREAT :) Get off your butt, stop watching so much TV, stop texting, turn your cell phone off, play games with your children, don't let NICK JR raise your kids, wash those dishes later.

It's ok to make time for "junk". But use your own time. Not your family's time.

We are all guilty.

school.

2010-03-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

It's almost April, and I can't believe I have been home for almost 10 months. I can't believe Wes will be 9 months in less than one week! Time has flown by, and all the things I said I would accomplish...well I haven't.

As we get closer to August, I have much to think and pray about. Where will I work? At which school will I get a job? Originally, when I took a leave of absence, everything was all figured out and I knew what to expect. Well things have changed. The teacher that was going to retire is still retiring. But the county is NOT replacing her, they are simply merging her class with a class at the south end. So my hopes of going back to MY position, or to the retired teachers position, have changed. When I took a "leave" I gave up my position. So I don't know if that's an option for me. They may or may not like the current teacher...they may really like her a lot. Either way, I wouldn't want them to not renew her contract just because I have tenure over her. That is NOT the right thing to do.

I do/did love my job as an ESE teacher, teaching children with special needs. But now that I have a child approaching school age, it's not about me anymore. It's about placing him in the BEST environment for HIM, and if that means me changing schools/jobs, then that's what I will do. But I would greatly miss WMHS, because I absolutely love everyone there (staff, kids, etc). It would be a difficult move.

I don't want to apply for a job at The Villages...at least not at this point. But I have made arrangements to shadow teachers at Wildwood Elementary, and Bushnell Elementary, and Galaxy Of Learning (Galaxy now has K and 1st grade). I want to shadow teachers for a few reasons. I want to see where I feel is the best all around school for Will. I also want to see if I am capable of teaching elementary age children. When I say "capable" I basically mean, "handle" the little ones. Can I mentally handle that age...all day?!

Part of me wants to work and send Will to Bushnell elementary. But until I visit each school I won't have a fair assessment. For the record, I will shadow teachers at WES for more than one day. I will only be at the other schools for one visit. I know it's not a true and accurate assessment of each school, but it's a start. And I think I will know what to do.

I may end of at the high school for one more year...but after that, I just don't know. Like I stated before, it's not about me anymore. I have to do what's best for my son and my family. And I have NO CLUE what that will be!!! It's very scary and many of you have already been there and already know what you feel comfortable with. I'd love your feedback...good or bad.

Will starts kindergarten next August. So my time is ticking. I pray that I make the right decision. Don't we all want whats best? Some of us have to make due with the choices we have. I feel blessed that I can change those choices only because I work in the school system. But that doesn't mean I will always be able to do the right thing, but I can certainly try!

Love to all,
Jen

Making some changes...

2010-03-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about my blog lately, and I am going to start making some changes and doing things a little different. I like Cyndi's idea when she mentioned that her blog is like her online journal. Cyndi said she likes being able to look back on things she has written...things she might have forgotten had she not written them down.

I agree with Cyndi.

I LOVE that people can read my blog, learn new things about me...and just learn new things (couponing for example!) But sometimes I say things that I want to write down but feel that YOU, the reader, may not really care about the topic as much as I did when I wrote it (Revelation post for example).

I am trying to do many things different in my life right now and I want to be able to blog about it without worrying if I will offend someone, or have someone think my ways or ideas are crazy. I have a lot to say, but I just don't write it down...

Also, my goal this year is to really get into "The Word". I lack so much in that area, and it's my #1 goal to really dovote time to God. And as I learn new things, I want to blog about it. As I did with my "Revelation" post.

So from now on...my posts will probably be all over the place. I may post about something in the bible, then I may post a recipe, then my parenting style, then I may post about something personal. So really...this will be my online journal.

Does anyone know how to somehow save all your posts to an archive somewhere? I remember MckMama posting about how to do that one time...please let me know how if you know!!!

Love to you all :)

Jen

4 years ago today...

2010-03-09T06:52:00.000-08:00

I can recall the details as if I had experienced them yesterday. I woke up at 6:02am with contractions about every 10-12 minutes. I woke Joey up and told him that he might need to call in work because I had a feeling it would be today (I was due the very next day). Joey basically said he would go in for a few hours and we would play it by ear...so I got in the shower and decided to take it easy. Well needless to say, I had about 3 contractions while I was in the shower...so Joey called in :)

We got to the hospital at 7:30am and I was only 3cm. Once I was in my room, Dr. Moffitt broke my water and gave me pitocin. I would have had Will by noon, but he had not "dropped" yet. So I had to lay on my left side for 30 min, push a few times, then lay on my right side for 30 min, then push a few times...and so on. It wasn't stressful at all. It was actually a pleasant experience and nothing like the horror stories I hear from others...with HOURS of labor. Finally around 2pm I had finally reached 6cm so Joey decided he and his dad would go to Wolfy's and have a good lunch. Well, by the time he sat down at Wolfy's, I was 10cm! I called and he was back at the hospital in no time! Once Moffitt was there, he asked me to give him a few practice pushes (which were great ones by the way!) and he realized I was fully capabale of pushing this baby out quickly!

William Joseph Ammons was born at 2:52pm on Thursday March 9th 2006. I didn't cry when he was born...I was shocked, overwhelmed...he was my firstborn. I didn't fall in love with him right away either. I loved him...but not like all the stories I'd heard about...I didn't feel that instant bond, a mother's love, die without you kind of love. I just simply loved him because I had just given birth to him.

Let me explain.

After I lost our first baby...I believe I slowly...very slowly, fell into a depression. It wasn't noticable by anyone, not even me. But I believe the loss of our baby triggered the beginning stages.

Months later I hit full blown depression. Something happened (it's personal) and I hit rock bottom. Not only was I depressed...I was also pregnant. Can you imagine the emotions?!

In December 2005, my position with SunTrust Bank was relocated to Orlando so I opted to take a severance payout and leave the bank instead of transferring with the position. I was due in March and I knew that I would be taking time off, so it actually all worked out great. I would have more time to myself, more time to rest, and more time to be depressed.

I was incredibly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I sometimes cried till I threw up. Not because I was pregnant...but for "personal reasons". I was depressed. Like I needed meds kind of depressed. Like I almost ruined my marriage kind of depressed.

I barely ate food. I had to make myself drink a carnation instant breakfast every morning because I knew I had to at least feed my baby. And every day I cried while I rocked my stomach...and I prayed this prayer to God.."God...please let him be everything that I'm not. Please don't allow my emotions to pass on to him...let him be a happy baby, not a crying and miserable baby...like his mother is right now".

They say your emtions can pass on to your child. I HAD to make sure I didn't pass mine to Will. I prayed for that covering daily. But I NEVER asked God to fix me.

I gained 9.5 pounds during my pregnancy. At my 6 week check-up, not only had I lost the 9.5 pounds that I gained...but I had lost an additional 14 pounds. Yes it felt great to look good on the outside...but I was dying on the inside. I didn't gain much weight...because I didn't eat. Will weighed 8 lbs, and 10 oz, and was 22 inches long. So I was thankful for him being plump and healthy.

After I gave birth to Will...I was emotionally detached from him. I never wanted to hurt him. I've heard those stories too.

I remember when he was about 4 weeks old...my dad and step-mom came to visit him. My step-mom was on the floor, talking to him. And he coo'd at her. I had never heard his voice until that moment. I realized that I had never talked to him. I took care of him, bathed him, fed him, held him...but I had never talked to him.

After that, I prayed and I worked at fixing me. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took many months. I started getting out of the house with him, talking to him, and making up for the weeks that I had lost. With God's help...I guess I did "snap-out" of the depression. I must have because I gained 10pounds back!

I'm not sure why I shared my "depression" story with you. Or maybe it's a reminder to myself. But, when I look at Will, I never think about that horrible depression experience. I think about him being one of the loves of my life. My firstborn. My son. An incredible blessing.

Today, Will is everything that a parent would want their child to be. He is funny, sweet, talented, sensitive, incredibly loving, smart, and amazingly handsome. He does have many moments that all children go through...but overall he is a great kid!

"Did you ever think you could love someone so much?"

I remember hating when someone asked me that question. But I quickly fell in love with him (although not right away) and then I understood. And today, I would gladly give my life up for him.

The song "For you I will" is my song to him. I mean every word.

Enjoy the pictures :)

The 2 pictures below were taken just days before I gave birth.

Falling in love....

Revelation.

2010-03-03T11:05:00.000-08:00

Revelation 1:3 Blessed is he that readeth , and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.

Did you know, that the book of Revelation is the ONLY book in the bible that promises a special blessing for those who read and hear its words? The entire bible is a blessing, and yes we are blessed by every word. But only in the book of Revelation is it "promised". I don't know about you...but this makes me want to read it over and over again. This is not something I figured out on my own, although I wish I could take the credit. I have recently began reading the book "Revelation Unveiled" by Tim LaHaye and within the pages of this book, I am learning many new facts. I will share some of them here.

(The following is from the book, not my own words)

The book of Revelation completes the circle of bible truths. As the word of God, the Scriptures predictably reveal superb planning and organization. We see that clearly in the book of Revelation, for it completes the great truths begun in Genesis and in other passages of the bible. Here are some examples:

Genesis shows humanity's beginning in a beautiful paradise.
Revelation shows the wonderful paradise to come

Genesis shows how human beings lost a chance to eat of the tree of life
Revelation shows that humankind will yet eat of that tree

Genesis tells of humanity's first rebellion against God
Revelation promises an end to humanity's rebellion against God

Genesis records the first murderer, drunkard, and rebel
Revelation promises a city where "nothing impure will enter it"

Genesis reveals the tragic sorrow that resulted from sin
Revelation promises, "[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes"

Genesis records the first death
Revelation promises that "there will be no more death"

Genesis shows the beginning of the curse
Revelation shows the curse lifted

Genesis introduces the devil for the first time as the tempter of the human race
Revelation shows the final doom of Satan

Genesis promises that Satan's head will be bruised
Revelation shows Satan bruised and defeated

I hope this blesses you in a way that I've been blessed.

I hope this inspires you to begin reading the word daily.

33 Things.

2010-01-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

Well, on Dec 30th I turned 33! I can't believe how quickly my life has gone by now that I have graduated from high school. Those days always seemed to drag. One year seemed like ten! Anyway, it's been quite some time since I have posted anything (facebook will do that to you) so I am stealing someone else's idea by telling you 33random facts about myself. Not that you care to know them, but now that I have children, I never get to talk about myself. So this is a treat ;)

1. I share a birthday with Tiger Woods, Lebron James, and Matt Lauer.

2. I was almost a Jennifer Shelley. My granny suggested "Agatha".

3. When Joey and I got married, I didn't drop my middle or last name. So my SS card reads " Jennifer Kelly Horton Ammons"

4. I love Paula Deen and Beth Moore.

5. I love cookbooks, and trying new recipes. I especially love those cookbooks that "church ladies" put together. I have bought many from Ebay.

6. The only thing I collect are the large crystal ornaments that Swarovski puts out every year. I have 11 of them.

7. My family called me (and still do) Jennabug when I was growing up. My little brother and sister have called me "Jit Jit" since they were able to speak. The are now 19 and 21 years old.

8. I am the middle child of five. I have two sisters and two brothers.

9. I moved to Wildwood in February of 85. My first day of school was February 13. I was in the 2nd grade.

10. I consider myself an optimist. I'm also a procrastinator.

11. I use to think my eyes were purchased at Sears ( I really did)

12. I want to visit as many National Parks as I can before I die.

13. I really love the beach, or relaxing in a pool. There's nothing like feeling the hot sun on your skin.

14. When I was young, if you asked me my name I would say "Jennifer Kelly Horton come on down" thanks to watching too many episodes of "The Price Is Right"

15. I can throw a bait caster very well. No zebco needed here!

16. I love the Violin. I took lessons when Will was a baby. The timing was bad, and I didn't have the patience to learn. Maybe one day...

17. I love to read! I wish I made more time to do so.

18. I want to be a runner. I want to run marathons! I just have to train myself to do so. And I will very soon. Unfortunately, having children has weighed heavy on a certain part of my insides. So until that's under control, I have to take baby steps.

19. I have not had a speeding ticket in 12 years.

20. Both my pregnancies combined, I gained a total of 25 pounds.

21. I am THE most modest person I know.

22. I have some of the best friends you could imagine. And they are all like sisters to me. (Cyndi, Pam, Sherry, Jen, Krystal) I know any one of them would drop everything to be there for me, and I would do the same for them. I am so blessed! I have many friends...but those five girls are my very closest.

23. I have THE best brothers and sisters in the world! We all have a strong bond and we never fight. I love love love them!

24. My favorite quote is "Write your dreams in concrete and your plans in sand"

25. I graduated in May of 2001 from The University Of South Florida. It's one of my proudest moments.

26. I colored my hair for the first time this year! And I ONLY did because of all my gray hair! Now I have to do so every 8 weeks and it drives my crazy!

27. One day, I hope to become certified as a translator for the deaf. It's a passion of mine.

28. I love to sleep.

29. I wear, and love the products and make-up from Merle Norman.

30. If my house burned down tonight...I would only be sad about losing my pictures. I am grateful that I don't feel "attached" to possessions.

31. I love art. Especially oil on canvas pieces. I have three Thomas Kinkade's and about 6 misc pieces.

32. I truly think I could survive on liquids alone. Especially on sweet tea, Smoothie King and Starbucks.

33. I want to be known for something one day. Whether it's through and act or an invention. I think it's my destiny.

His love

2009-10-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

I have this precious 3 year old son...and he loves me. I mean, he really loves me! He doesn't just love me because I am his mother, or because I help provide and take care of him...he genuinely loves me. I know you are a bit puzzled, and thinking of your own childen, and how you know you are loved by them. But trust me when I tell you...my son is different.

Will is somehow capable of loving deep and whole heartedly. He loves like that of a mature adult, and not like a child his age...with very little love experiences. Will is special. And he makes those that he loves feel so very special. He kisses on the lips, and when he hugs, he's not usually the first to let go. He tells me at least 10 times per day that he loves me. And it's random. Not because I just bought him a gift, or played with him. We can just be sitting and having supper....and I hear, "I love you mommy."

Now I have to stop here to say this...his love may be great, but it's also selective. He doesn't show his love to just anyone. In fact, unless you are close to him, you would never know this about him. Just yesterday while on a field trip at his pre-school, I had to get on to him for saying, "I don't love her (referring to his classmate) he then went on to tell Mrs. Debbie, I don't love anybody."

The last paragraph may seem contradictive, but it's true. He loves only certain people, but he loves them with a greatness beyond your imagination. As I type this, I realize that when he gives, he gives 100%. He doesn't trust just anyone with his love.

Will loves you one on one. If he's with me, he wants to hold my hand (while he is in his carseat and I'm driving...not easy!) or he wants to sit in my lap. He will even say, "Mommy, you're sooo bootiful." If he is with papa for example, he wants papa one on one. No distractions. And he tells him many times..."I love you papa." And he NEVER lets you walk away without "a hug and a kiss." I could go on and on with examples! I could blog daily about something he has said, or about something he has done. He really is special. He is so special to me. And I know he must be special to God.

I realize that you may be able to relate. You might have a child much like Will in your home. These loving little souls are so innocent, and so special. How are they capable of this great love? Did God select them especially for this task? To love? And Will is only three. Imagine his heart if the Lord continues to work on him and through him. Just imagaine. I just need to continue working on the "selective" area in his love compartment! Maybe one day, I will better understand why he is so selective.

Since he was born, the song by Monica titled For you I will has been my song to him. Listen to the words as it plays, if you have time. I can't imagine a better song to dedicate to my first son.

I hope you too have a song for yours.

So Grateful, So Thankful

2009-08-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

I have so much in my life to be grateful for. My eyes begin to water just typing that. I have a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful, healthy sons, a roof over my head, vehicles that get me where I need to go...my bills are paid, we have food in the pantry...gosh, I could just go on and on. I am so very thankful for this life, my life. And yet, I feel so unworthy. God continues to bless us (don't get me wrong, he tests us too) yet I feel as though I do nothing for him. I believe in him, I believe he died for me, and I believe in all he represents...but what have I REALLY done for him?

Do you remember my post titled A bad 9 weeks? It's the post where I talked about our claim with State Farm, and how we were denied coverage. If you remember, I stated that both our bathroom floors were "saturated" and also "rotten" underneath due to a leaky air handler. Well, about a week after my blog was posted, I received a call from a dear friend of mine asking me to call her cousin. This seemed strange to me, because although I knew her cousin I didn't understand why she needed me to call her. Well to make a very long story short, the cousin (I'm not going to use names just in case they wouldn't feel comfortable with that) is married to a wonderful man who is also a contractor. He offered to do the work "pro bono" and hoped he would have other resources help and donate supplies. Well, those "resources" didn't follow through like they had claimed they would...yet he is a man that stands by his word and said he would do the work anyway. I even gave him ample opportunities to walk away (talking with his wife via facebook) but she insisted that once her husband said he would do something, he followed through. And I am so grateful that he is the type of man that he is. He has been such a blessing to our family.

He began working on our floors the weekend of August 15th. He isn't finished yet because he does the work on weekends and when he gets chances during the week. He is going above and beyond to make the work right, and has even said he would contact State Farm and try to convince them that the work should have been covered based on what he has seen. He is a God send! He is caring, and genuine, and puts others needs before his own. We are so thankful for him and his family!

But why us God? What have we done for you that you would bless us like this?

Back in June, Progress Energy called and asked me if I wanted to add a coverage to our bill that would repair or replace our hot water heater if needed. Although I always turn down services like this, I opted to get it since I knew the heater was over 30 years old. Our heater started "not heating well" about 2 weeks ago...and I didn't think to call PE until Joey mentioned that I should. I'm so glad we did!
Well...a man from Ocala just installed (he just left) a brand new Rheem hot water heater for FREE through my coverage with Progress Energy.

But why us God? What have we done for you that you would bless us like this?

Back in March I had Angela down at FB Pre-school place Will's name on the list to start pre-k in August. Not long after, I changed my mind and had her remove him. Then a month before school started I called to put his name back on the list because I really felt like he needed the interaction with the other children...but there wasn't an opening. Last Thursday LeAnn called to say they finally had an opening and although I hesitated...I accepted, and decided to place my lil man in pre-k. After filling out the paperwork, I ran into Jeanne M. I expressed my doubts with her about placing him and we chatted for just a few minutes. Later she called to tell me that she felt like God was telling her that I would know the right answer and have peace about my decision. Then she prayed for me. Jeanne, you have a way with words. God has blessed you and you always bless me when I hear you pray. I do have great peace about Will being at First Baptist pre-k, and he seems so happy there :)

But why us God? What have we done for you that you would bless us like this?

I don't know why God blesses us even when I know we are so unworthy. Imagine what he would do for us if we did better by him. I know we live a good solid life, and we talk to Will about God & Jesus. We go to church, and we do good deeds from time to time. But the depth to our relationship with HIM is seriously lacking on our part. Then there is tithe...I always forget tithe. I don't mean to...but I have never established a set pattern. I always remember to pay once the money is gone. I do pay, don't get me wrong...but I forget a lot! And feel so bad about it.

So why us God? What have we done for you that you would continue to bless us?

We are so Grateful.
We are so Thankful.
We are so Blessed.

I am so Unworthy.

I pray that I can be an even better person. I will make it a point to write myself notes so that I won't forget to pay tithe.

I want to feel worthy of all my blessings.

Isn't it so great, that although we fail him...He never fails us.

The story of Wes' arrival

2009-07-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

Well it's been nine days now since my lil man entered into this world, and I have to say that he is such a good baby! I began his schedule the minute he was born, and doing that has made my life as a new mom of two so easy. He only wakes me once in the night, unless you count the feeding between 5am & 6am. During the day he eats every 3 hours (my choice) and at night he stretches himself to every 4 hours...almost to the minute! I highly recommend the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" to every new mom! I also have to add, that the schedule has allowed me to nap everyday myself because at one point in the day both boys are sleeping! Okay, enough about all that...now let me tell you about the exciting day of delivery!

I was due Sunday July 5th, but if I had not delivered I had a scheduled appt. Monday the 6th @ 2:15pm. Well I was at the appt. on Monday! No firecracker baby over the weekend! At the appt., Dr. Helms said I was 4cm but could be stretched to 5cm, and that I was 75% effaced. He also said this, "For you to not be in labor, your baby is very low." He said the baby was about in the "plus 1" position, and that "plus 3" means the baby is out! Basically Wes was very near to being delivered. Helms said he would induce me whenever I wanted but that he wouldn't allow me to go past that upcoming Friday. So I told him that we would induce Wednesday the 8th if nothing happened before then. I liked the date of the 8th (remember how I'm funny about numbers) because his bday would be 07-08-09.

On Tuesday the 7th, I was up around 8:30am. I went ahead and showered, shaved, got all good and polished just in case (I actually did this same thing every morning for like 2 weeks not knowing when I'd go into labor). Around 10am I started feeling very sharp pains but I thought it was because of the exam the day before. Once I had 3 within about 30 minutes...I decided I should take them serious. So I called Sharis and asked if I could bring Will over for the day. I told her that I thought I was having contractions and wanted to take it easy. I had two more on the way to her house and one while at her house! Thank God she was home and took Will! I left her house around 11am. When I left her house, I remembered that I had received an email from Merle Norman Cosmetics advertising $10 off the Vera Bradley lunch tote. And since I would be driving past Merle Norman on the way to the hospital, I went to Joey's parents and printed the coupon. Then I went to Merle Norman...hey $10 off is a good deal!! Well, the bag was sold out so I didn't get it...but the lady behind the counter said, "so when are you due", I replied "well my contractions are about 15minutes apart so it will be today." I think I scared her!

So I got to the hospital around noon (11:52am to be exact) and checked myself in. Joey was there right away with me. Dr. Helms got there within 20-25 minutes. He checked me and I was 6cm. Then he broke my water (ouch!). He decided to not give me pitocin and thought I'd deliver later that day without the drug. Well once he left, it was about 30-45 minutes before they began the epidural. But by that point the contractions were so close and so hard that the epidural didn't seem to help ease the pain. I kept asking when I'd feel the epidural and by the looks on their faces, they knew I should already be feeling the relief...but I wasn't! They then decided to also give me a "local"...whatever the hec that is! So the contractions kept coming and were closer, then I started to get sick and began dry heaving...it was bad! It's like I wanted to cry but I couldn't get any tears out! It was the weirdest thing! Then I said to the nurse..."Monica, why is the pain staying now and not going away" so she checked me and it was time to push! Man it went so fast...it was only 2:30pm! And I swear it took Dr. Helms what seemed liked forever to get there! When he got there he asked me to give him one practice push. After I did he said, "okay this is gonna be a quick delivery." I think I pushed on 4 contractions and Wes was here!!!! Oh man the joys of giving birth! I love delivery day! Even though I felt everything leading up to pushing, I would do it over 10 times! Thank God I was numb and didn't feel him enter into this world, but I sure felt everything else! But truthfully, I'm so glad I was able to experience it that way. I told the nurse I needed a discount on the epidural since it half worked! She told me that the epidural didn't work because it couldn't catch up to my contractions. I guess I should have bypassed Merle Norman.

So that's my story :) My lil man was born @ 2:41pm weighing 7 pounds 8 ounces, and was 21 inches long. He was so small compared to Will! I really thought Wes would be close to 9 pounds...boy was I wrong. It's probably good that he was small since I felt all the contractions. I bet the pain would have been greater!

I hope you enjoy the pics! I feel so very blessed!

Beach Vacation

2009-06-22T22:36:00.001-07:00

I have been anticipating the dates June 13 through June 20, because we have had our beach trip planned for about 5 months. I absolutely love the beach, and have really grown to love Treasure Island. I don't like the east coast beaches because they really don't compare to those on the west coast. Also, it's less "commercialized" and much more family friendly. And just prettier beaches all together! I was a little scared about going because just before we left, I was 2cm and 50% effaced. But I needed the R&R and decided to go anyway...I figured it was well worth the risk! Joey was only able to stay the first weekend, so his mom came and stayed with me the rest of the week. She was great, and a lot of help! She helped me keep Will busy, and made sure I didn't overdo myself. We slept in everyday till 9am...sunbathed till 1 or 2pm, napped for a few hours, then sunbathed some more. What a great schedule we had! My sister and her family were also there, so that was even better! I am proud to say that I am SO TAN! I can't even wear make-up because I have nothing that matches my color! I have not been this tan since high school and I'm so lovin it! It was a great week, and the weather was perfect!

The only thing that would have made it a better week is if Joey could have stayed with us :( We missed him dearly, and we were both happy to come home to him.

Here are a few pictures:

My belly shot...don't laugh!

Will became quite the swimmer, and even did great without floaties!

Isn't he beautiful! Look how blond his hair got!

Will and Anna Grace

The best kiss ever

**I highly recommend using the website VRBO.com (vacation rentals by owner) when you plan your next vacation destination. We saved a few hundred dollars by renting directly from the condo owner. It's really a great site. And if you happen to take a vacation in Treasure Island, be sure to stay here: http://www.vrbo.com/109078

***As of today, I am still 2cm. but now I'm 70% effaced***

A bad nine weeks

2009-05-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

I have not updated my post in over a month. To be honest, I have had so much going on that I haven't felt like writing. Everything with my little baby is going well. He is growing, I am growing, and I'm so happy to soon be having another little man in my life. I have only six weeks left, unless he decides to come early.

Now on with the bad news...some of you know that I submitted a claim with State Farm under my homeowners policy. Well, the nine week long ordeal (yes nine weeks long) has finally come to an end, and my claim was denied. My adjuster led me on and gave me false hope for nine weeks. Yet State Farm acts like this was a cut and dry case of non-coverage. Trust me, I have fought this, and I'm still fighting. I contacted an attorney and he too thinks there is nothing I can do. I'm trying to fight this on "bad faith" but the attorney has not responded to that yet. I have had many crying spells, and sleepless nights over this. But I posted something on my facebook and I have to genuinely believe it..."Just when you think things can't get any worse, you realize just how good you've got it." I can't stress over this anymore! I have a growing baby that needs me to be stress free! But trust me, it's so hard. Then add pregnancy hormones and emotions and you have a pregnant basket case woman. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I am overwhelmed by the news.

I had Restoration Specialist out of Leesburg come out and give me a quote. I think the damage is somewhere between 15k and 20k. Do I have that kind of money sitting in the bank? NO! I can afford the supplies ( I think), but I can't afford to pay someone to do it. And my precious husband...he can do a lot of things...but this is not one of them. And would you believe that all this was caused by a leaking AC! Now we have to re-do both of our bathrooms. We had to have "temporary shoring" placed under them to prevent them from collapsing. Yes my friend, it's that bad. But we had no warning signs, at least not visible. Trust me, Joey and I would never have sat back and allowed this to happen. This wasn't a case of neglect I assure you! And the scary part...what kind of air are we breathing? What about this little infant? What about when he is born and sleeping in his crib? I'm so sorry...I didn't intend on getting this emotional just writing this...

So that's it. Just when you think things can't possibly get any worse...you HAVE to sit back and realize just how good you've got it. Everything else in our life is a constant reminder of how blessed we are. But this mess is definitely fighting it's way to the tops of our minds, and making us feel...well a little helpless, and hopeless. In this struggling economy, and with me taking next year off...I just can't make an irrational decision to take on a loan to get this done. I just can't do it. So I'm hoping we can just figure this out, somehow, someway. And hopefully, very soon.

I'll keep you posted. Just keep us in your prayers.

Monthly check-up

2009-04-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today for my monthly check-up and saw Dr. Wood. She is so great, but so quick! I was in and out of there in like 10 minutes. All is well with Mr. Wes, but for the second time I am measuring ahead of my date. Last month I measured 6 weeks ahead and had to go to Lake Medical Imaging for an accurate length and weight measurement (Wes measured just fine, right on target). This week I am measuring 3 weeks ahead. I go back in 2 weeks, so if I measure big again I will be sent back to Lake Medical Imaging (just to be sure). I am not bragging...but I've only gained 9 pounds this entire pregnancy! Woohoo! That means less to lose later! Actually I only gained 9.5 pounds with Will and he weighed 8lbs 10 oz so I have gained more with this pregnancy at this point. I don't have that philosophy most pregnant women have: (a) I'm eating for 2 (b) This is my free pass to eat what I want. I absolutely do not agree with either! Losing weight is so hard, and I don't want to have to lose a bunch once Wes arrives. Hopefully I stay on this path...but I will say, those brownies at Chick-fil-a are sooooooooo yummy! And worth every calorie!

Before I close, please be praying for us! We submitted a claim with State Farm 5 weeks ago and to this day we don't know if the claim will be covered. Our air conditioner had a bad leak that we knew nothing about until the damage was done. State Farm is sending an Engineer out on Tuesday to determine if the leak was a constant leak over time (not covered) or if this was something that happened quickly (covered). Please pray that God will be with the Engineer has he looks inside our home, and as he looks under the home (pray God shows us favor). I pray for coverage! This will cost us money that we don't have if it's not covered...as much as $10,000. And with a new baby, this is added stress that we don't need. Thank you!!!

Savings & Stockpiling

2009-04-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have learned to love coupons. I blame this on my dear friend Amy. Actually, she has opened my eyes to some great ideas, and now I am motivated to save!

I am taking the 09/10 school year off to be with my two boys and through Amy, I have learned how to stockpile. Basically, I have learned to buy items that I don't need. But I buy them when they are on sale, then use a coupon to save additional money. Now, this concept may be old news for many, but for me it's new. Let me give you some examples of some of my most recent purchases:

1. Walgreens: I purchased 8 large tubes of toothpaste, and payed only $6 (75 cents per tube)

2. Walmart: I purchased 8 Secret brand deodorants and paid only $4 (50 cents each)

3. Walmart: I purchased 4 bottles of Kraft dressing (different flavors) and paid only 32 cents for all. That's only 8 cents per bottle.

There are more, and I could on and on. It's actually very exciting and addicting. So for the one year I am off, I won't have to buy toothpaste or deodorant. Actually, I have also stockpiled on body wash, dish soap, toothbrushes, and many food items. But I am no where near my goal. I hope to stockpile on detergent, bleach, fabric softener, shampoo & conditioner, medicine, toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, etc. You can stockpile just about everything really. But the key is to pay the very least amount you possibly can.

Amy uses a website called "The Grocery Game" but I have found a free site called "Coupon Mom". Both sites are wonderful resources! They list the following stores in which you can use coupons and save money: Wal-Mart, Publix, CVS, Walgreens, Winn-Dixie, & Target. You can use coupons most anywhere...but the site sticks to those particular stores. When you are on the site, you can click on the link for Wal-mart(or any other listed store). Once you do that, it tells you the items that are on sale in that store that correlate with coupons that come out in your Sunday paper (past or present paper). The site will direct you to which paper had the coupon (example 4/5 SS...meaning the April 5th Sunday paper in the Smart Source flyer). There are 3 flyer's you need to look for, they are: Smart Source, Red Plum and P&G. Amy taught me how to set up a filing system which keeps up with the flyer's and their dates. It's super easy, and you only cut the coupons once you need them.

Recently, Joey and I went to publix. I purchased approx 10 items and paid just over $9. I left with 2 packages of english muffins, 2 jars of spaghetti sauce, 2 jars of mayo, 2 bottles of Kraft dressing, and 2 packages of halls cough drops. Most of the items were buy one get one free, and I also used coupons. You can double up your coupons at Publix (use 2 coupons even though one item is free).

The goal is to make a list of items that you always purchase, and learn to shop for them...and learn to stockpile them. Amy use to allot herself $200 per week for groceries. Now that she is using this system, she actually spends less than $100 per week. Sometimes as little as $60. In this economy, she is saving her family a lot of money. And if you think about it, if there is an economic crisis...she is stocked!

If you need help/guidance on how to get this system started, I would absolutely love to help. I am still learning, and I ask Amy questions all the time! But eventually, you will grasp the concept and believe in it!

I have a secret to tell....

2009-03-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure if I would blog about this. To be honest, it's something I have thought about off and on for a few years. This will come as shocking to many...especially to you Cyndi. Trust me when I say, I have shared this with very few people (Joey, my mom, my classroom aide). I have not kept this secret for any reason. I just choose to not talk about it.

Ok here goes...I have been thinking seriously about becoming a surrogate mother. Why?! Well...I really don't know why to be honest. Maybe God plants these thoughts into our hearts. All I can tell you is this...I'm seriously thinking about this. So much so that I have become a member of a surrogate mother website. I have even received a reply from someone in central Florida who is looking for a surrogate.

So what does this mean? Well, basically my body would be a place for someone else's baby to grow. This would not be my baby. I would provide the womb, the nurturing, and the "intended parents" with a baby they couldn't have conceived on their own. Some surrogates allow for the intended parents to use their (mine) egg, but the sperm would come from the "intended father". So technically, this baby would genetically be half mine. I couldn't do that. But I would allow a fertilized egg (not my egg) to be transplanted in me in hopes that the result would be....well a baby.

I have thought about this over and over. I have not prayed deeply about it though...not yet anyway. There is a chance that women from the surrogate mother website are reading this, so I have to make sure I'm completely honest about my thoughts. I actually just learned last night about how many surrogates allow the intended parents to use their egg. So I was a bit discouraged about that. I would love to help someone, but I can't give them a baby that is partially mine. So that's why I would do this if the egg was donated. I wouldn't want the baby genetically tied to me in any way. Does this make sense?

On the website, I have explained that I am currently pregnant, and how I wouldn't be ready until January 2010. So I truly have given this alot of thought. But I have not researched it extensively. I posted my info page before learning about the whole "my egg but your sperm" part of it all. And I have to say again...I couldn't do that, I just couldn't do it.

Lastly, for those of you that know me, you know that my intentions would not be based on a "financial gain". But knowing that someone cannot have a child breaks my heart after loving Will the way I do. What if I couldn't have conceived Will? What if a surrogate had carried him for me? What if a surrogate had carried your child for you? Would you not be greatful?

My baby is 3!

2009-03-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, March 9th, my baby boy turned 3. I took Monday off to be with him, and we had such a wonderful day together. We slept in till 9am, then went to the Lady Lake Park, then to Chick-Fil-A, and later that evening we went to "Jump in Joey's" in Clermont. If you have never been there, I highly recommend it. It's basically an indoor bounce house. It's incredibly clean with a laid back atmosphere, and the staff was super friendly. Parents can sit back in the nice wicker furniture while their children play their hearts out. I'm sure it's packed on the weekends, so I recommend a week night. My little man was pooped when we got home!

This past Saturday (March 14) we actually celebrated Will's party at Lake Okahumpka Park. He had so much fun! We rented a bounce house for the kids, which was great! I tend to like the idea of a laid back party. Some mothers go all out and plan activities and games. Not me! I let the kids play while the adults enjoyed each others company. I just want the kids to be "free" and run and play as they wished. I may do games as Will gets older...

If you are reading this and you have a child Will's age, please do not get offended if I didn't invite you to his party. We basically had family, and a few friends. Will has 3 boys that he is very close to, so we invited those 3 along with their families. Other than that, it was all family. We really tried to stay around 30 people since we were feeding them. It's so easy to spend hundreds of dollars on a party! I'm sure you are all shaking your heads in agreement right now!

Before I show you party pictures, I have to take the time to tell you about Will's birthday cake! I was telling my friend (the one who made the cake) that I wanted a big #3 cake, and I wanted it red and black (Bulldog colors of course). While talking to her, Will says "Mommy I want a spongebob cake". I looked at my friend and said..."Okay so I was saying, I want a big #3 cake...." Later in the day, Will said (at least 3 times) that he wanted a spongebob cake. First of all, Will doesn't watch spongebob, has no clothing or toys with spongebob...yet he was insistent on a spongebob cake! So yes...he had a spongebob cake...but NO spongebob decorations I assure you! If you ever need a cake made, please let me know! My friend Robin doesn't even do this for a living! Her cake was a work of art, and tasted like heaven! Her prices are unbeatable, and I assure you, you will not be disappointed!

99% Sure!

2009-02-26T11:39:00.000-08:00

Well, the anticipation has finally come to an end! Joey and I can now call our little man by name. Westin Samual decided to finally show off his stuff yesterday for Dr. Moffett and for his eager parents. We are thrilled to know that we will have 2 boys to raise that hopefully will be the best of friends. They will be 3 years and 4 months apart in age, which is a nice age difference. Now I can pray for "him" and pray blessings on his precious little life. So many people (work friends and family) seem so disappointed that we aren't having a girl. But from the beginning, it never mattered to me. Would I have loved a girl? Yes, of course. But I will equally love and adore this little boy. God has chosen to bless me with boys, and I accept that blessing with my whole heart. We will call him "Wes"...our precious boys...Will and Wes!

This is becoming funny....

2009-02-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

On Monday, Joey and I went to my monthly check-up and I saw Dr. Moffett. I made it known that we didn't know the sex of the baby, and how the tech said girl. Moffett assured me, we would find out that day.

At first the baby had it's knees together, and feet tucked under it's bottom. Basically my child was in the worst possible position when trying to determine the sex. The baby opened it's legs and Moffett said, "I think that's a boy". What?! A boy?! I don't say that because I am disappointed...I am just confused. It's either a boy, or it's a girl...how hard can that be, right?!

Well, Moffett tried to get the baby to move. At one time, when the legs were open, the babys fingers were right in the spot we needed to look. Moffett said, "Well that's a sure sign that's it's a boy". Actually, Moffett only had 2 quick looks at my little one's private (that's sounds funny). And both times he felt pretty sure he saw boy parts. But he did say for us not to paint the room blue just yet.

So yes...the mystery continues. But to be honest, I do think Moffett will be right. I really do think I saw boy parts too, but the baby kept moving right when we thought we had a good view. My baby just wants to surprise us I guess :)

The good news is, Moffett is letting me come back next Wednesday for a quick ultrasound so I don't have to wait a whole month. Maybe then, I will be able to tell you for sure if we are expecting a boy...or girl.

We are having a.........

2009-02-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

BABY!!!! Woohoo! That much we do know! But what we don't know is the sex of the baby. Is this child being stubborn in the womb? What does that mean for our future??? Yikes!

Actually, the ultrasound at Lake Medical Imaging went great. Everything about our baby looked just the way it should at this point...praise God! I have never cared if this baby was a boy or girl...I have just prayed healthy, and thriving. And "she" is. Did I just say "she"...well technically I don't truly know the sex of the baby...but the tech said she was going with a girl as her choice. The unbilical cord was lying perfectly between the baby's legs, making it hard to determine the sex. A few times the cord moved away slightly, but the tech still found it hard to get a real good view. She thought she saw girl parts, but was only 70% certain. As the tech walked me out of the room, she apologized and said "I feel defeated with this one".

So Joey and I don't want to think girl until we are certain. My next appt. with Dr. Moffitt is Monday February 16, which is less than 2 weeks away. I am hoping I will get a more definite answer on that visit...fingers crossed.

Well, I am feeling great now and have started "nesting" around the house. My house looks like the inside was hit by a hurricane...I am hoping to get things in order soon. We are changing Will's room and so far it looks real cool. Once it's done, I will take pics to share with you.

Well, I guess you will hear from me soon...maybe I will have better luck.

02-02-02

2009-02-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, February 2nd, Joey and I will celebrate 7 years of marriage. We were married on 02/02/02. I use to always say that I wanted to get married on Valentine's Day, but Valentine's Day was not on a Saturday in the year 2002.

Actually, there is a little history in the date we chose. I am funny with numbers, I count everything, and I am pretty good in math. So numbers are just kinda my thing. So here goes:

The number 8 in the bible represents "New Beginnings".
We were married on 02/02/2002 (Add up all the 2's and you get 8)
We were married at 5:30 (5 and 3 makes 8)
We dated for 8 years before we married
Our current home which is also our first home has the address 4642 (4+4) (6+2)
We live on County Road 116 (8)
The difference in our age is 20 months, 2 weeks, 2 days, and 2 hours (all 2's = 8)
The first movie we saw together was "8 Seconds"
The last movie we saw (in a theater) was "8 Below"

So now you think I'm weird right!!! Or you are thinking...man they never go to the movies! 8 seconds came out in 2006...OMG...that too equals 8!! Not planned I promise!

There are many more significant numbers that equal 8, but I can't seem to think of them. I'm sure you don't mind at this point :)

The past 7 years have been wonderful. I know without a doubt that Joey is God's "perfect will" for me. I have never doubted. Joey is my very best friend and is the most amazing husband and father. He is caring, thoughtful, considerate, and passionate about the things he believes in. He is overall a wonderful man. When I was a young girl, I prayed for one thing in regards to finding a husband...I prayed that God would bless me with a man that loved me as much as I loved him. If the love is there equally, all the other stuff falls into place. Thank you God for blessing me with a wonderful husband...I love him more today than I did 7 years ago.

Tomorrow night we are going to the Cheesecake factory. It's our favorite! We had planned on going to the beach this weekend but the Super Bowl messed up that plan. We like to go to the beaches in that area (Treasure Island in particular) but everything was booked with the Super Bowl being in Tampa...and the prices to stay were rediculous anyway! So we have decided to go away Valentine weekend instead...just me and Joey. I am really looking forward to it.

Well, you will hear from me again this week because we find out what we are having on Wednesday!!! I can't wait to find out, and tell you!

PS I consider the song playing "our song". This was also our "first dance song".

I love you Joey!!!!! Happy Anniversary!!!

Quick Update

2009-01-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

I just want to let you all know that I did not find out the sex of the baby when I went to my most recent check-up. Dr. Helms had a great view of the area, but for some reason he didn't feel confident about giving me an answer. I think the baby's hand was obstructing his view. But I go back Wednesday Feb. 4th for my ultra sound at Lake Medical Imaging. I am certain I will find out then. I am anxious to know! So far everything else looks great!

Please keep these expecting mothers in your prayers: Natalie Johnson, Sara Washburn, Jennifer Russ, Chrissy Reams, Amanda Gray, Krista Fay, and Wendy Craig. I apologize if I am missing anyone, let me know if I am.

PS-Tomorrow (January 26) is Cyndi's birthday! Happy Birthday Cyndi, I love you!!

Boy or Girl?

2009-01-10T20:13:00.001-08:00

It's late as I type this...late for me anyway. I have been super tired this pregnancy. By the time I post this, I will be 15 weeks...almost 4 months. Yet, I am still having days where I feel horrible. Although I prefer to feel great and not bad, I at least know my baby must be thriving and taking everything from me.

Everything about this pregnancy is almost exactly like my pregnancy with Will, except I can't remember feeling this bad for this long. People say this means I'm having a girl, but I don't look at it that way. My sister had 2 completely different pregnancies and both were girls. So different pregnancies does not automatically mean different sex babies.

People ask me daily if I want this to be a girl. I can honestly say that I don't have a preference. I work with disabled children on a daily basis...so all I ask God (and I ask him every night) is to please bless me with a healthy baby.

Once I do know the sex of the baby, I will pray very specific things for his/her life. I did this with Will, and God answered my prayers...all the way down to Will's dimples. It sounds silly, but God of course can do anything...so why not ask him, right?! It's so important to pray blessings on our children even before they are born...even as specific as personality traits. No prayer is silly to God.

When will I find out the sex of the baby? I thought you'd never ask! My next appt. is Monday January 19th. I will be 16 weeks and could very well find out then! I wasn't going to find out...but I have since changed my mind. That's if the baby cooperates.

I do have names picked out, and will share them with you now. Let me know what you think.

Boy- Westin (Wes) Samuel (not sure if I will spell Westin or Weston, what do you think?)

Girl-Brinley Elisabeth

Well, I hope you all have a blessed week. I'm sure you will hear from me again next Monday!

Christmas cards, and a doctor visit.

2008-12-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

**Before you read my blog, please take the time to turn up the volume, and listen to Kelly Clarkson sing O Holy Night, it's so beautiful and I promise it's worth your time**

I have not blogged now in almost a month. Mostly because I haven't felt great, and because I have been going to bed early. I am 12 weeks now, and it's so hard to believe how quickly the time has gone by! I am beginning to feel better these days, although I still have moments when I feel...well, pregnant!

So I've decided to pick two things and tell you about them. The first is my adventure with Will at Venetian gardens in hopes to capture that perfect pose for our family Christmas cards....that didn't happen. He was tired, ill, and didn't care if Santa needed this picture for Christmas (I absolutely did not tell him that was why we were taking pictures!). Instead I got this...

Yes, he is really crying with tears!

Anyway, I have to be honest. I was so mad at him!! It was 11am, and his nap wasn't till 1pm! Why was he ill!? Why was he tired!? I didn't punish him for not cooperating...but I sure wanted to! I had procrastinated until the last minute to even take pictures, so I was putting pressure on myself...but really I was pressuring him. He fell asleep in the car on the way home. He was just tired. That's all. So simple. Now that I type this...I am remembering that Amy puts him down around 11:30. On the weekends we choose 1pm because it works for us. So he reacted honest. It was me who needed to be punished. I felt bad afterwards, when my blood pressure had gone down (we all have those days...right?.

Here are a few pictures from that day...notice he won't look at the camera for Santa...I mean me.

Another reason you can tell I was feeling pressure was because you should NEVER take pictures at 11am! Anyone with picture sense knows that rule. The best times are early morning and late afternoon...unless it's overcast. It wasn't overcast that day.

A few days later, I took this picture just before I left for work. He was outside on his bike. And this is the picture I used for our Christmas cards.

No...it doesn't look like a "Christmas" picture...but it worked, and it was precious!

The second thing I wanted to tell you was in regards to my OB check-up. I went yesterday and all looked good. I met Dr. Helms for the first time, and I felt a little rushed. He was very nice, but we have to remember it's Christmas week. Most people are in a different mindset. But he said the baby looked great and was pleased with the visit. Oh, and by the way...I have not gained any weight...I actually lost 1 pound! I was pleased with the visit also!!

Well, I hope you all have a very blessed Christmas holiday with your families. This will be a fun Christmas for us now that Will is almost 3. I can't wait to hear all about your day and I hope to share our story soon.

God Bless, & Merry Christmas!!!!!

West Virginia

2008-11-27T19:39:00.000-08:00

What can I say...other than God is amazing. Just looking out the plane window...being above the clouds...the beauty of it all. Then the mountains, the snow, the trees, a wonderful friendship...I felt so blessed, I really did.

My gracious friend Sherry, drove 2 hours to Roanoke, Va. to pick me up from the airport with her 2 sick babies on board. And she wasn't feeling great herself. She did this because she is a wonderful friend. Thank you Sherry!

We didn't get to do the things she had originally planned for us...her household was battling an upper respiratory infection. I did what I could to help, but I was feeling yuck myself...pregnancy was/is kicking my butt!

But you know, I wasn't disappointed with the trip. I got to know a side of my friend that I didn't know existed. I knew her when we were in college, and the days of working at Service Merchandise in Ocala. This time, I got to know Sherry. Mother to 2wonderful boys, Logan & Nathan (only 13 months apart), Wife to Mike, a man who devotes his life to training police dogs for people all over the country. He is amazing in his work, I got to watch him train! So awesome! I learned that Sherry has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)...at least that's what I call what she has. Her house is way too clean and organized, she must have OCD, right?! I also got to know a woman who is passionate about God, her view of life, her career (Massage Therapist) and her family. She has been through alot of "stuff". But she walks with her head high...she is a good friend. You would love her if you knew her.

West Virginia is so beautiful. If I knew how to do a slide show of pics I would...so I will post a few for you to enjoy. Notice the ground is pretty dead, brown and not much life. When I left on Tuesday, there was at least 8 inches of snow on the ground...it was amazing to be there and see such a difference, literally overnight.

You should go to W.V. someday. It's a state we don't hear much about, but worth the visit. I can't wait to go back. Joey is looking forward to hunting there. Did I mention that her husbands family owns over 3000 acres of land? Joey will be in deer heaven!

Stop by Mike's site if you get a chance. http://www.loganhauskennels.com/

P.S. Don't you just love that John Denver :)

Untitled

2008-11-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

I have no reason to blog, but just thought I would. I am six weeks today and I am wondering when the baby on the left will start looking like a baby. I cant remember the week a baby is fully formed. But I am thinking the heart will begin to beat this week. I at least know that much. I need to get the book Your Pregnancy Week by Week. I did have it, but let my sister-in-law borrow it. Unfortunately she lives 4.5 hours away, so I will probably get another one soon. I like the week by week book better than the month by month.

I have been feeling very tired and very nauseous for the past 2 weeks. I can't remember if I was this way with Will.

I have my first doctor appointment on Wednesday Nov. 19. I could have gotten in sooner but I needed a 2pm appt. and that was the first available. I didn't want to use a half day at work, that's why I am waiting for the late appt. instead. I can just use comp time for that day.

Next Saturday, I am flying out to Roanoke, Va. A dear friend of mine lives there(she actually lives in Williamsburg, WV) and I have been wanting to visit. I am very excited about being up there in the fall season. It will be so beautiful. I can't wait to blog about my trip. I will return Tuesday afternoon, so I will be gone 3 nights and 4 days. But I will technically only be away from Will and Joey on Sunday and Monday. I know Joey will do a great job while I'm gone. I decided not to take Will, and I am starting to feel really bad. First, I don't think he is considered a "lap baby" therefore I would have had to buy a 2nd ticket. Secondly, he doesn't have clothes for that type of weather. Thirdly, this is the last "me" trip I will probably get until the new baby comes. Am I a bad mother for leaving him? Both my mom and Brenda have said, "I can't believe you're leaving Will."

Well, I have work tomorrow but not Tuesday. So I am really looking forward to Tuesday!

I hope you all have a great week!

Five Weeks

2008-11-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right! Joey and I are expecting! I contemplated whether or not I should wait until I was 12 weeks to make the announcement, but I'm too excited to wait. Plus, my family and friends can pray for us, and that's important.

My due date is July 5th 2009. The date seems so far away, but it's actually only 35 weeks away. It will be here before I know it!

I do want to tell you something precious. And if you have read my blog regarding my first loss, then you will really appreciate this. I hope it touches you the way it touched me...Well, Joey and I were explaining to Will that mommy had a baby in her tummy. We related it to Aunt Sharis (since she was pregnant with Jayde while she kept Will last school year). We said, "Remember when Aunt Sharis had baby Jayde in her tummy, and now baby Jayde is here and Trace has a little sister." Will seemed to grasp all this and understand. So I then said, "Will, do you want a baby brother, or a baby sister?" His reply was this, "I already got a baby brother." I thought about what Denise said on my comments regarding the yellow blanket. She said, "Maybe Will has some sort of connection to his "brother" that he doesn't even know."

Maybe he does. Isn't the thought of that just amazing?!

Please keep our new baby in your prayers.

I'm so happy to share this wonderful news with you :)

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

My little man was a cowboy this year. I originally wanted him to be a convict, but when I went to order the costume they were sold out. It worked out for the best, because he looked so darn handsome as a cowboy. I passed out candy to the kids while Joey walked with him. Let's just say he was home within 20 minutes of walking. He kept telling Joey, "I wanna go to my house daddy". Will loves to be home, he gets it honest :) I hope you enjoy these pictures!

Family

2008-10-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I went to Graceville to visit my family. My sister, Shannon, and her family went up also. My dad was happy to have his five children, their spouses, and the grandchildren all together at the same time. My daddy is a family man, and I love that about him.

My step mom, Teresa, planned the entire weekend, and she did a great job! On Saturday, we went to the parade (Will's first parade)then went to the Fall Festival. Will had such a good time on all the big inflatables! It was so great watching him run around and make his own decisions. He is getting so big.

Saturday afternoon, we all carpooled to Panama City Beach to have family pictures. We all wore jeans and white, button down, collared shirts. The photographer took over 100 pictures and I hope to share them with you soon.

It was a really nice weekend,especially getting to see my brothers son. He and his wife tried for many years, and finally the Lord blessed them with Riley Thomas Horton on May 4, 2008. Riley was born on his mothers birthday...what a wonderful birthday gift he was to both of them.

Here are some pictures of the weekend, I hope you enjoy :)

Riley Horton, 6 months old

Jeff & Riley

Will and cousin Anna Grace tailgating at the parade

Cousins: Sierra, Will, Riley & Anna Grace

His Yellow Blanket

2008-10-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know, tomorrow (Wednesday October 15) is the National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. So I decided to use this blog to tell of my story...please bare with me as I tend to type the way I talk. So if it's grammatically incorrect, I apologize in advance...this will probably be long.

In September 2004, Joey and I became pregnant with our very first baby. Joey was in Georgia hunting with his family and I had purchased a few pregnancy tests earlier that day. It was late evening and I was about to take a hot bath. I did what I had to do for the test, then set it on the side of the tub. I got into the bath and my cell started ringing...it was Joey calling. As he talked, I looked at the test and recognized the positive sign indicating that I was indeed pregnant. I interrupted him and said "Are you ready to be a daddy". He said, "Are you serious" (with excitement) and we were so happy! We were ready to be parents.

I soon set up an appointment to meet Dr. Moffit for the first time, and to make sure they would take me on as a new patient. The appointment went well. Our baby looked like a peanut but had a strong heartbeat. We were told our baby was due July 1st 2005. When I left they gave me an ultra-sound picture, a care package consisting of neat goodies, and a single red rose. They told me they'd see me back at my 12 week appt. Again, we were so happy.

I have to stop to tell you this. Joey's family ALWAYS has thier (immediate family) Christmas "get-together" around the 3rd week in December. But for some reason, work schedules caused us to push it to the first week in December. We were in Georgia for the occasion. Joey's nanny gave a gift to us for our baby. It was a yellow blanket. I remember thinking, "Ok, I will probably never use this one but...ok". it wasn't one that I would have picked out, and it was more like a comforter than a blanket. And yellow was certainly not the color I wanted the baby's room to be! The baby also got a Georigia Bulldog pacifier and some other UGA stuff. Anyway, back to the story....

On December 14th 2005, I left work and headed to the doc appt. for my 12 week check-up. I told Joey not to worry about coming. He worked in Ocala and I didn't want him to drive that far for a 15 minute check-up.

As they always do, the nurse checked my BP, iron, urine, etc. before I went into my room. I sat there and waited, wondering what my baby would look like at this point in the pregnany. Dr. Wood came in and asked how I was doing/feeling and all that good stuff. She then asked me to lay back, and she began using the machine on my stomach. She moved it all over my stomach, and said nothing. She then decided to use the "wand" to check me. She said that sometimes the baby can still be low and better detected that way. So then they checked me again. She found the baby and she measured him. He was not moving, and didn't have a heartbeat. She asked me to get dressed and said she'd be right back in. When she came in, she said that I had lost the baby. He measured to be around 8 weeks (10 weeks in baby terms). And remember, I was at my 12 week appointment. I had carried him 2 weeks after I lost him, and my body didn't give me any indication.

I didn't cry at first. I didn't know what to say. Dr. Wood had me drive over to Lake Medical Imaging "just to make sure". I did. And they were sure too. I still had not cried.

I then had to drive over to the Day Surgery building to set up my D&C that would be performed the next morning. I broke a little when I had to sit in front of a nice woman to answer questions. Remember...I was alone. I still had not called anyone. Not even Joey. I knew I had these things to do and I knew I needed to be strong and not broken.

When it was all said and done...I called Joey. His first question was, "Well, how did it go" and I broke...I broke hard. Between tears I said, "I'm not pregnant anymore". I then told him everything and asked him to call my mom and sister, and his parents. I was still in shock. The rest of the day was a blur. I remember Joey came home from work, and we just went to bed and went to sleep. it was easier to deal with that way.

On December 15th 2004, Joey and I headed to LRMC for my surgery. We had to be there at 6:30am. As we walked in I thought how ironic it was that I would walk in with a baby inside of me, and walk out in a few hours and that baby would be gone. And it wasn't my choice.

Finally, around 8am, the nurse took me to the room where I would have the D&C. When I awoke from the surgery, I immediately asked the nurse, "what was the baby's sex?" She replied to me, "Honey, it was just tissue". Tissue? She said it gentle but it hit hard. It was more than tissue, my baby had a heartbeat, I saw it! I have a black and white picture of him!

One week after the surgery, I received a phone call from Dr. Wood. She said they had sent a tissue sample to the lab and she believes I had a "molar pregnancy". She then said I would have to wait 6 months before I could try to get pregnant again. She also said that I would need to go once a week to Quest Diagnostics to get my blood drawn. She wanted to make sure my levels were going down and not up. I guess a molar pregnany can trick your body into believing you are still pregnant. So for 6 weeks, I did this. And my heart hurt everytime. There was always a different tech. drawing my blood. Each time, they thought they were drawing blood to determine where I was in my pregnancy. And each time I had to explain myself. So my healing process was like a roller coaster.

Molar pregnancy defined: http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/pregnancyloss/a/aa072599.htm

If I did indeed have a molar pregnancy, it was a "partial mole". You will need to read over the link above to understand.

So that's really it. That's my story. Joey and I lost the first little person that God gave us. Why did God take him? I will never know. But I do know this. Our baby was a boy. I know this in my heart because God revealed it to me in a dream. He did so because I prayed, and asked him to please show me. I had to know what my baby would have been! Thank you God, for answering that prayer.

Around Christmas time, I wanted to get an ornament to hang on our tree to represent the life we lost. But I never got around to it. When I got back to work, just after Christmas, there was a gift on my desk. I opened the box and found a crystal ornament, and it had blue in the center. It was perfect! That ornament means so much more than the giver will ever know. And she gave me this ornament months before my dream. But even then...I knew my baby would have been a boy. Having the Lord's confirmation was such a blessing.

Last thing before I close. Why is my blog titled His Yellow Blanket? Well, to this day, that yellow balnket is Will's favorite blanket. Will chose it, I didn't force it on him, remember...I didn't even like it. He absolutely loves that blanket. It wasn't bought for him, but he has claimed it. He sleeps with it every night, and loves to rub the tag.

Time has healed my wound. Will has healed that wound. But I will always remember that I have a baby boy in Heaven. And one day I will hold him in my arms, and maybe, just maybe, Will might let me use his yellow blanket...

2 Things 2 Share

2008-10-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

Today, Joey's parents took Will, along with Scott and his 3 girls to the Sanford Zoo. So here are some pictures from thier day...doesn't everything look different through the eyes of a child?

I wanted to also give you an update. Remember my request for prayer? Well the Lord has given us favor! Everything is just as we needed it to be! Thank you so much for your prayers!

What a difference a day can make

2008-10-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was a difficult day for me. My patience was tested (unlike it has ever been tested since I've started teaching) and I actually didn't enjoy my job. I questioned everything that day. I thought..."Is this really the right class for me...do I have what it takes? Am I cut out for this?" I woke up on Wednesday and said to myself..."If I go to work today, I won't be a good teacher. If I take a "mental day off" then I will be good for another few months." Joey had already taken Will to Amy's house by the time I had decided I would take the day off. So at 9am, I crawled back into bed and slept until almost 11am. It felt great! And I felt so much better. I really needed a break. I needed a few extra hours of uninterrupted rest. What a difference rest can make! What a difference a day can make.

Today was a good day. I was back into action and happy to be the teacher of my particular class. Was my patience tested today? Absolutely! But with a clear mindset, it's amazing how we can handle difficult situations. Saying that reminds me of yesterday's Oprah. If you watched it, you know exactly what I mean.

Actually, overall, this has been a great week. It's Homecoming week! We have had dress up days all week...remember those? This year they were: Star look alike day/ Tacky Dress or Gender Bender/ Hawaiian Day/Favorite Team Day/ WHS Pride Day. The kids at WHS have done a great job all week participating. You should have seen all the guys dressed in heels and gowns. It was a blast to see. That's why I love being at the high school, especially during Homecoming week. Man how I miss those days! Although it seems like I was there yesterday, it's been over 13 years. How did the years go by so fast?

I hope you enjoy the music playing. This was my "class song". The class of 95. (Boyz II Men, Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday)

If I only knew then, what I know now. What a difference a day can make...

What do you think?

2008-09-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

***UPDATE*** Lori & Sabrina are right! The 2nd boy belongs to Brian & Amy Williams....Now do you see Brian when you look at him! And not Nick!

***UPDATE***you are right, the first boy belongs to Allen & Sharis Kirkland. Now for the second boy...his mom and dad graduated from WHS. His mom was the class of 96. She thinks it's so funny that you all picked Nick!!! Any more guesses?

I have two pictures posted.

Both have Will in the picture, but each time with a different boy.

The two fathers of these boys graduated with Joey.

Can you guess who these handsome boys belong to, just by looking at their picture?

A few more thoughts.....

2008-09-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

1. Will pooped in the bath tub the other night.

2. Will went potty on the kitchen floor this morning before church.

3. Will is potty training.

4. What's the best advice you can give me on potty training?

Scattered Thoughts

2008-09-19T20:25:00.000-07:00

1. I am VERY bad about following through with prayers. It's a weakness I'm willing to admit...that's the first step in recovery, right? If people say, "keep me in your prayers"..I say "OK". Then I never pray for them. But I have made it a point (on my way to school in the mornings) to pray for the ones I have committed to. And for the ones I feel I should pray for. So if I told you I would pray for you....I really did! Just not right when I said I would.

2. I was in Angelotti's the other night and a young couple with 4 little ones walked in. They were an attractive young couple and I swear they looked familiar. I could tell they were very frustrated with the kids (and the kids weren't really being bad). The couple seemed very disconnected with each other too. I felt like I needed to make conversation with them, to see where they lived, maybe they needed a friend....I really felt strong about it. As we stood up and got ready to leave, Joey's mom asked if the 2 girls were twins. The mother pointed to her son and one of the girls and said they were the twins. I found out that the oldest two were 3 years old, the next girl was 2, and they had a 9 week old. Frustrated? Disconnected? Absolutely! Finding out the ages was the extent of the conversation. They had just received their food....the timing was bad. I WILL pray for them. I'd love to run into them again. Maybe I failed that test...

3. Yesterday morning, I was coming from another teachers classroom when I noticed one of my students walking with her mother. I was a bit of a distance away but I still threw my hand up and waved. When I got closer, the mother kind of laughed and said, "I thought you were a student". Nice!

4. We had 3 fights on campus today....and all were girls!

5. I went to the Wildwood/South Sumter game tonight. It felt like a class reunion! There were so many people there from Wildwood! The new coach has changed the school spirit around in that place!

6. Will's new favorite show is "Little Bear" on Noggin.

7. I got a new shirt today...this is what it says:

ANOTHER
small town*Religion clinging*Gun toting
AMERICAN WOMAN
who's voting for
Sarah Palin

2.5 Today!

2008-09-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

My little man hit the half way point today between ages 2 and 3. Which means he will be 3 before you know it! I just can't believe how fast they seem to grow at this age. They are a handful that's for sure, but I can't complain. Will really is a good boy. I hope you enjoy these pics. I had to add the diaper one at the end!!

Ashamed...

2008-09-06T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you this...I really love to read blogs. I have always enjoyed movies that were "based on a true story" so I think that's why I love blogs. Every once in awhile, I stumble upon a blog that really touches me.

Tonight, I found a beautiful story. And there is a video that goes with the story.

I feel so ashamed because in my mind I am thinking that what I'm going through is bad, then I see and hear all these other stories and think...my problem seems so small now.

I sometimes think we forget just how good we have it. Then a curveball comes our way and we swear it's the biggest battle of our lives. And in the moment, we probably do think that "nothing could possibly get any worse".

Yes, I do have a battle right now to overcome. And I pray that God will turn this battle around for his glory....I'm believing he will. But trust me when I say this battle of mine is NOTHING. It's NOTHING compared to the stories I read on other posts.

I thank God for everything I've been through. I feel so very blessed.

There are so many that would trade their storm for ours. I'm sure they would laugh at what we consider a battle. They have a right to say, "God, can it get any worse". Then later they realize why God allowed them to suffer through such a hard trial. Even in their hardest times...they still give God the glory...how amazing and admirable.

I hope this story touches you in the way it has touched me.

(you will need to pause my music so that you can hear the music that plays with the video)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2751713454484774875&pr=goog-sl

Family's Blog: http://www.marygracesummons.blogspot.com/

The Storm

2008-09-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

Someone sent me a forward recently (chain email). To be honest, I really don't like forwards and typically delete them without a second glance. But it was a "religious" forward and I thought...ok God, I need a word, maybe this email is a sign...so I didn't delete it. It was a beautiful email. As I read it, I didn't see how it would apply to me and Joey (per our previous request for prayer). Then I got to the very bottom. This is what I read:

Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is.

I'm sure many of you have heard it said that way before. But when you are in the midst of your own personal storm, you read it differently.

Please keep me and Joey in your prayers. We are going through our own personal storm.

Nesting

2008-09-01T09:14:00.001-07:00

So much for going to the beach this Labor Day weekend! Joey and I were going to head to our favorite beach, Treasure Island, until we decided that it wasn't worth taking the chance. If it would have been just Joey and I going...then we would have still gone despite the forecast. But we have a 3rd party to consider and how do you explain to a 2 year old that we can't get into the pool until the weather gets better. And we can't build sand castles because the rain will turn them into mush...and you might get sick! Yes there will be days when we play in the rain and break all the rules. But when there is something bigger than us like Gustav, we will play it safe :)

So today...I am nesting! And NO I am not pregnant. Trust me, I know!

Joey and I have decided to pretend that Spring is here, and we are cleaning, tossing, breaking down, and doing all that we can to make things seem in order. In order for what? A new baby maybe? NO. This is not "that blog" where I reveal "the news". Trust me! But I do enjoy messing with the mind :)

I am in the mood to repaint every room in our house!

We are thinking of placing our home on the market...we think we want to build.

I really, really, really (did I say really?) want to be on the beach right now. I just love the beach!

Ok, since I'm not at the beach....I need to finish nesting before Joey starts screaming about me being on the computer and not helping him.

Tonight, I will get in the tanning bed. Maybe that will make me feel better ;)

Unspoken Request

2008-08-26T18:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends & Family,

Joey and I have a prayer request that we'd rather not discuss with you at this time. But from the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please take a few minutes to pray for us. The Lord knows our Unspoken Request, and I know he will hear all of our prayers.

Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Uncle Donald's Farm

2008-08-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, while I was at school in Lakeland, Joey took Will to a birthday party that was held at Uncle Donald's Farm. I really wanted to go, especially since it would be Will's first trip there. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it to be a father/son trip.

As mother's, we typically get to see things before daddy's do. I stayed home with Will until he was 18 months, so I was able to share many special moments and witness many "firsts". It's more fun to be there than to hear about the story second hand. But I'm not selfish about it; In fact I feel sorry for daddy's. So it's great when they get to tell us about an experience.

When I got home, Joey told me all about their day, which started with them having breakfast together. Once they got to the farm, he took Will around to all the different animals. Will even got to feed them! How fun is that! Later, they went on a hay ride and Will fed hay to the "moo-cows". Will LOVES moo-cows (especially the one that walks around at Chick-fil-A).

After hearing all about their day, I started really missing my little man. It was about 4pm and time for Will to wake from his afternoon nap. The first thing Will said when I woke him was "I want my birf-day cake". Joey just laughed, he knew Will would ask for the cake...because he had promised it to him...after his nap.

Joey, I know you will get to experience many more "firsts" with Will. And I can't wait to hear all about them!

Sandspurs

2008-08-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we have "moments" with our children when we just watch them in action and say to ourselves..."God, you must really love me to have blessed me with such a precious gift". I thank God daily for Will, and I always talk to the Lord as if he were beside me. I say, "Lord, I know Will belongs to you, and that you have trusted me to raise him and be his parent...and I am so greatful. Please let me watch him grow up...I love him too much to not always have him (wiping away tears right now!) So every moment is so precious, even when the moment includes sandspurs...something so simple!

Today, when I got home from school, Will and I went outside to play. He knows that we have a few areas in our yard that has sandspurs. As many of you know, sometimes the sandspurs haven't grown to the point where they hurt when you step on them. They are real soft at first. So we talked about the difference between the ones that hurt, and the ones that don't hurt. He thought he was "so big" to hold the soft ones and mash them in his hand. He said, "mommy, those sandspurs not gonna get me". I think we plucked every sandspur from our yard...of course we then had to bring them inside. Before he went to bed, I asked if I could please throw them away. He said, "No mommy, leave them right here".

So I did :)

39/39

2008-08-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

I took Will to a new Pediatrician today for a well baby checkup, and to discuss some concerns I had (nothing major). I have to tell you about how big he is! Of course, Joey loves knowing that Will is the big kid on the block! The nurse weighed and measured him. He is 39 inches tall, and weighs 39 pounds. He is in the 99/100th percentile in height and weight. Basically, that means that if he were in the room with 100 2 1/2 year old boys....he would surely be the biggest! Joey measured him the day he turned 2, and he was 37 1/2 inches tall. So in less than 6 months he has grown 1.5 inches. To put this into a greater perspective I will add this crazy fact: In August of Last year, Will wore 18 month clothing. One year later he is in 4T, and wears a size 10 shoe. Yes, we are raising a line-backer!

On a sad note: A few hours after we got home, my big man got really sick and his fever was 103. I hate to see him that way, but I love getting to hold him, and rock him.

Please say a prayer for him.

First day for students!

2008-08-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

I was so scared about my first day! You see, last year I had 7 students, this year I have 12! My class is larger than normal because the county combined the middle and high school special needs class into one. The result? My students range from 7th to 12th graders. This year will be much more challenging than last year, but as long as I keep myself focused, I should be fine (I typed that, then did the hail mary).

It's so difficult to have such a vast range of personalities and skills. My days will never be boring, and I will be tested daily. But I love what I do! I finally feel like I am contributing to society. I feel like I am doing my part, if that makes sense :) I will post a picture of my classroom, and a group picture of my kids soon.

(Thanks to Tropical Storm Fay, school has been canceled for tomorrow, and possibly Wednesday. So I'm excited knowing I will have all day with Will!)

Women Of Faith Conference

2008-08-17T18:48:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, I attended the Women Of Faith Conference for the first time. I was with my two best friends (Cyndi & Pam) so that made it even better! Since I had never been, I had no idea what to expect. I was most excited about getting to hear Natalie Grant (my fav christian artist) live. I expected it to be good, but it was much more than that. The speakers there were: Patsy Clairmont, Marilyn Meberg, Sheila Walsh, & Allison Allen. The singers there were: Sandi Patty, Nicole C. Mullen, and Natalie Grant. If you are familiar with any of the names I listed, then you know it was a powerful service!

I walked away from the conference feeling bad about how I have handled different life situations. Although I cannot go back and correct the mistakes, I can say I learned from them and will make better choices in the future.

When I listened to each speaker, and singer, I could see their love for the Lord in their eyes. I have such a strong desire for people to see me the way I saw them. I live like I should (I really do!) but I know that I'm not completely "sold out". But the important thing is that I'm trying and I am now more conscious about each choice I make.

I am really excited about my Blog! It took me forever to come up with a Blog name. I got the idea from a scripture, so I will end this post with that scripture.

Psalms 32:7-8
7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.